24 Feb 2013

TV Review: AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM (2013)

TV's hottest new Horror Show returns.

AHS returned for a second season back in October 2012, delivering all the juicy horror goodness from Season 1 and spicing it up for Season 2. I have been a fan of AHS since it first aired back in lat 2011 and i kept on watching and watching til the very last episode of Season 2, and i never missed one. So reviewing this is very easy because i was always drawn into the tormenting and disturbing world of AHS and was always extremely fascinated by the twists and turns it had stored up it's sleeve. However, having as many unanswered questions that Asylum did became a little tired and quite frankly, annoying. I should be crucifies for calling one of the best shows on television annoying but it was. Saying this doesn't mean i didn't like the series because trust me, i loved it; not as much as the first series but i still enjoyed the raw thrill.
Was it scarier than Season 1? yeah defiantly. I think it was the concept in general that built the scarier mood because let's face it, we all have a fear of mental hospitals, whilst a haunted house is so... in metaphoric terms, vanilla. It is scary, but i think the fear we feel is built through the look and mood of the piece; there is no actual scares there but with a few jump scares and creepy characters they got away with it.
I think the most powerful element of AHS Asylum its WTF moments. Like common, never before has a show been so fucked up yet deeply disturbing and haunting. It's fun in the way that it's different, it's not afraid to express its deep darkness because it can get away with it and its the only show on telly that can.
Yes it's disturbing and truly fucked up but it also has heart when it comes to the characters. Nearly all of them are likable  and the ones that aren't become that way, and the ones that were become hated (mostly because were revealed to their deepest and darkest secrets). Asylum by no means is a character-driven horror show like The Walking Dead but it tries to bring some light to this dark series and it works.
If there are plans for a third season then id imagine it would be a bloody good one.

VERDICT: American Horror Story: Asylum ticks most of the boxes when it comes to fulfilling a horror fans needs. It having true heart and honest emotion should attract the normal television go'er. It's ambition may make for a fun ride but it hasn't quite grasped what it is to make a brilliant series. Maybe it should take a few tips from The Walking Dead.

23 Feb 2013

Review: THE DARKEST HOUR (2012)

A Dark Hour and a Half...
Where have alien film's gone you've wondered... what happened to the alien sub-genre? did it just die away? was it because 90% of alien films where useless? I think so. So bringing back the alien sub-genre felt quite refreshing, until I seen what it was returning too, then i realized it has to stay as far away from planet earth as possible.

The Darkest Hour was an early 2012 release that tries to re-brand the sub-genre into something fresh and new. Except, the thing is, i have never experience a more ridiculous alien film ever! Yes, i'm aware how stupid that sounded saying how its a ridiculous alien film because all alien films are ridiculous  but this one just takes the absolute biscuit. What is it that makes it so dire you ask? well maybe it's because these thing travel in electrical pulses! Come on seriously! you try to re-introduce alien flicks and that's what you come up with? Please Mr.Director, what ever your head is telling you, DON'T listen to it!
To be honest, it was a pity, simply because it started off so well and very interesting and then it just slipped into a dire, tedious mess. The film began in an interesting fashion, it was fun, it was cool, i liked it. Then, they just drag it out and keep dragging it until we are left to feel any emotions, no enjoyment, no emotion for characters, not intensity; just a mass bunch of people sitting staring at the screen like zombies. Fair enough, it was fresh to see a disaster movie in a location other than London, Paris or New York, but this positive element alone couldn't save this film. Nothing could, unless Ridley Scott took over, and we all know he would vomit putting his name to this mess. There isn't much i can say about a film that i switched my brain off in order to watch. But, what i can say is to give this one a miss.


VERDICT: The re-branding of the alien sub-genre clearly did not go as planned because The Darkest Hour is a dire experience. It's lackluster, tedious, poorly executed with weak effects. The only possible way to enjoy this film is to switch your brain off, and let the Hour and a Half drag past.


Review: THE WALKING DEAD: SEASON 3.09 "THE SUICIDE KING"

Rick’s gang rescue Daryl, but the Governor is left standing. Both sides regroup and plan their next move, but an unexpected visitor throws everything into chaos.

So far on The Walking Dead has been fast-paced, exciting, and extremely unpredictable. So it's return i would would imagine to be heart-stoppingly intense. So it returned to our screens with this episode 'The Suicide King' which may have captured more viewers than ever but didn't come near taking 'Best Episode of Season 3' in-fact, it would have been one of the duller episodes. of course seeing the return of this show was exciting enough and i was aware that the returning episodes are only to rebuild what happened before and get the audience familiar with what's going on once again, so as expected the episode isn't all that exciting. Nothing really happened in this episode apart from Glenn getting a little to foot-happy when it came to kicking a zombies head in which was, very gory. Good stuff. It runs at an average pace and reminds us of why we hate Carl (trying to take lead.. go away and die child). I know it's an awful thing to want a kid to die in a show like this, but if they can kill of Sophia then they can do the same for Carl, and the sooner they do it the better. There were a few moments where it really proved my dedication to a few characters; like when  Daryl leaves I wasn't happy.. actually, i could hear every TWD fan scream "NOOOO!!!!" because let's face it, everyone loves Daryl. Yes it may have been a calm episode but it was clear that with every calm, comes a storm and the next episode was sure to deliver that.
I knew not to expect much from this episode but it was pretty good. I could complain more about it, but it's the Walking Dead and... i Love The Walking Dead!

TV Review: THE WALKING DEAD: SEASON 3.10 "HOME"

The one where... Rick looses his sanity, Glenn takes lead and and someone bites the dust.

The Walking Dead Season 3 returned last week with a pretty standard but nothing special episode that was the first since the mid-season finale. From past experience the re-opening episode isn't normally as good as the rest, and that episode proved my point. Which only means one thing... the next episode is to blow the doors down! which it didn't. TWD never has a bad episode, that's a fact, but they do deliver the odd stinker or two, but the episode that follows is always a smacker. 'Home' isn't no smacker by any means but it does provide a little bit of shock and surprise. I don't know what it is about this show but when the group are attacked i never know who will be next to die, and i'm always surprised by the outcome. This episode caught me by surprise. About 40 minutes of 'Home' ironically was a bit laid-back, there wasn't much going on, it was mostly about Daryl and Merle's journey together which was good but nothing memorable or all that fascinating  Until... out of nowhere gun fire breaks loose and the entire crew's lives are put in danger. This all occurs after the surprise and sudden death of  Axel. Who's Axel you say? that prisoner guy who had the hots for Carol? yeah him. His death was as as sad as the death of T-Dog's, and considering that fact that he died in the same episode as Lori, that just says it all. After his death it's an all-out gun show from then on, but what was best about that moment was the element of the unknown. I didn't know who was going to die next. Carol who was using Axel's body as a shield, Hershel who was laying in the open surrounded by walkers, Maggie who was running in the open, wasting her ammunition or Carl who, unfortunately never died even though all he had was a pathetic handgun hiding behind a wall. It was pretty intense, and pretty interesting. So as-per-usual the episode ended in a cliff hanger to keep all TWD fans interested. Roll on next week.

21 Feb 2013

Review: HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS (2013)

Enjoyable Trash

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters... what do i say? hmm... Well, it's different. Ok in all seriousness now, so I just finished viewing the horror twist on a classic tale 'Hansel & Gretel' and i can safely say that this film is a mixed box. Imagine remixing films like 'The Witches', 'Van Helsing' and even add a little bit of Twilight in there and what is delivered is this, either so bad it's good flick or it's just an average film. I really don't know anymore.

Ok so the film starts by showing how little Hansel and Gretel grew up (basically showing their trauma getting captured by a witch in a candy house, and so on...) and then it goes to them preventing a woman getting hung for being a witch etc etc. Basically, the entire film is either a really boring and flawed explanation scenes and all that crap, and then the other half is filled with all-out hardcore horror action that looks as if it fell from right out of The Resident Evil 6 game. Don't get me wrong, the action scene's are enjoyable...to a certain extent until they become a little tedious, which happens quite frequently throughout the film. Oh well, what can you do. 


To be honest i'm not quite sure what to make of H&G, i know it had it's moments but, as much i hate to admit it, i actually kind of enjoyed myself. It was an adrenaline, blood pumping action fest that could have gave die hard a run for it's money (well, Die Hard 5 anyways). I am one of those horror fans that prefares a full-on horror film, not a sifi-horror, or in this case action-horror, like something that can be inventive, scary and enjoyable. But this just turned out to be enjoyable...barely. I can be a little tough when it comes to these types of film's but it hasn't got the grilling it quite deserves yet; reasons why, because i have to cut it some slack. It tried! did it succeed? no, not really but the director still gave it a shot and tried something different so for that reason i have to add a little bit of positivity for trying.

VERDICT: Hansel & Gretel, there is no denying as a film, you are pretty bad. With your poor plot, lack of narrative, flooding pointlessness and pro-longed tediousness; but i have to say, you were pretty god-damn enjoyable.

19 Feb 2013

Review: THE PACT (2012)

I'll make a Pact not to watch this again...

The Ghost Genre has somehow found it's way back into the horror spotlight and has became the most popular source for new horror films. When the thought 'Ghost flick' comes into our heads we immediately think of Classic such as Paranormal Activity. Many had followed the path that had left by making a ghost movie and making it in the style of hand-held camera. The Pact is one of a few ghost flicks of 2012 or even one of a few that made it to cinema's; even though The Pact is as bad as many that couldn't make it to the big screen. In fact, It almost deserves to go straight to DVD.
The Pact is the same old shit that has been recycled and doesn't do much to change so but when the film reaches it's near end we are revealed to a plot that is a different approach but it is also a little silly and hard to figure immediately. Actually the film would have you more confused than scared and that's the honest truth. When watching the trailer we see a good few scares that are to be seen in the film, but when it comes to watching the film you realize that the scares shown on the trailer are actually the only scares in the film. Actually I wouldn't even call them scares. You would get more entertainment from watching the trailer than watching the film.
Ugh, besides the end plot the film is basically the same crap that is shown in every other ghost film in the past couple of years, and with The Pact, it doesn't even try to change to cliche's to make them it's own. What annoyed me about the film was the constant stupidity of the character in the film and her need to return to the house straight after her escape due to the spirits of the dead having a little fun with her. What i love about horror films is when they drop the typical cliche's and act along with the audience by doing what we are shouting at the screen (e.g. by running out of a haunted house and never going back instead of going back to look for reasons). In The Pact, the character does completely the opposite of what the audience is shouting and follows the annoying cliche's that ruin nearly every horror film. To make matters worse the film was far from entertaining and far from frightening like most critic's said it was. Bullshit! but then again you can never listen to what critic's think because most of the time there wrong. I think it's safe to say it was worth a watch on the internet but no way would i ever pay money to see such a silly film such as this.

VERDICT: The Pact is one of those horror films which thinks it can get by without intelligence by the use of scares, but actually the film lacked scare so the film I watched was both an un-scary and unintelligent experience. It's stupid, it's totally unoriginal and it lacks intelligence which makes the film to be a big heep of horror crap on the horror lane in the DVD shop. If your thinking of watching The Pact, you'd e best watching the trailer as that is a hell of a lot scarier than the film itself.

Review: THE WOMAN IN BLACK (2012)

Harry Potter Goes Ghost Hunting
The Critically acclaimed ghoul horror didn't go down quiet a treat as i had expected and had been told. The Woman in black is scary and very much jumpy but isn't all that fascinating or new. To be fair, the film slips quickly to a walking pace and remains that standard throughout from the middle of the film; in fact the film from the 15 minute scare-fest in the middle to the end is boring. Daniel Redcliffe is a widowed father who cares for his past wife and his son. He travels for his job and has to stay in a house which the locals call haunted by a woman who killed the local children due to the loss of hers, but the 'Woman in Black' has returned and is killing off kids one by one and the blame is put on Redcliffe. Typical Potter.
The Woman in Black is a film of understanding and mystery. It's not a no-brainer or a masterpiece puzzle and the twist isn't all that good as it's obvious but there is a smart vibe that seeps from the film. Horror films aren't all about the scares. Many would disagree but horror films are also about the enjoyment and the intensity involved; to me it's about the standard of intensity in chase scenes. The Woman in Black is the type of horror which is go here, Walk there, Run to the door, Discover the truth type of horror which doesn't appeal to me, especially if the film is set in the late 18 and late 19 hundreds.


The Pace of the film is very slow and makes the experience a drag. Very little actually makes you sit on the edge of your seat, apart from the odd "What's behind the door" moment. It's boring, it's tedious, it's an unappealing watch. TWIB has potential and with that it made some frightening work but most of it was wasted on lengthy discovery scenes and blame-game dialogue. I would say it's worth a rent but if not a fan on Redcliffe like me then the thought is unappealing; and ironically, so is the film.

VERDICT: If your a fan or slasher and gore then this Hammer horror is certainly NOT for you. The Woman in Black is a boring experience which pace is slower than a carage ride. The Film is has it's moments and delivers a few good scares but all that is over-looked by how boring the film can become and it is until then you realise that the lengthy explanations are far from entertaining. I definetly wouldn't rush to see the film but a rent wouldn't hurt; Unless you hate Harry Potter.


'The Cabin in the Woods' DVD Review

Director: Drew Goddard
Writers: Joss Whedon, Drew Goddard
Stars: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchinson, Franz Kranz

The Cabin in the Woods, 2012's biggest surprise has everything you could ever want in a horror film, the whole "love-hate letter to the horror genre" is all that needs to be said about a film that's poster only reveals a spill of what sort of twisted and fun movie is to come. To say the least, it's a movie experience that is hard to review without spoiling when the best parts off the film is lingered in spoilers, and if you have seen Cabin, then you know how big these spoilers actually are, and for a film that is graced with creativity with tongue firmly in cheek, it would almost be a sin to spoil it, like spoiling The Sixth Sense. It just can't be done!

Five friends travel to a remote cabin in the woods for a break, and during their stay they discover that there is more than meets the eye, and realize that there is darker and more unexplained secrets behind the cabin.

The Film: With a plot so ingenious, humor so witty and horror so masterful its hard to fault something that is near flawless, especially for horror fans worldwide. Sure Scream, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday The 13th etc. are all genre busters, but as a horror fan speaking to horror fans, you will never have as much fun watching something that completely turns the genre inside out as much as you will watching Cabin, and this sort of genre satire, will be appreciated mostly by horror fans who know their sh*t about the genre, and are full alert of the cliches that accompany, and established it. For a genre that is once again drowning into complete parody due to the endless ghost and torture flicks, Cabin is there is pick it right back up, dust it off, and set it right back on its tracks again; that's the sort of effect Cabin has on the genre, that's how powerful this genre-buster is... it's got balls and it's not afraid to use them, even if does make an unintentional mockery of Evil Dead.


So the title, pretty cliche right? correct. So does that mean the movie is cliche? umm, yes and no; Yes as it plays with cliche with tongue in cheek, and no because it uses intentional cliches to present the deeply twisted and simply put "fu*ked up" storyline I have ever come across in a horror. It's so fantastically fun and intelligent that it makes me wonder how no one has ever thought of this idea before, but then again, no one would have been able to pull it off as gracefully as Drew Goddard (Cloverfield) and Joss Whedon (Avengers Assemble). Without spoiling anything I think Cabin has done what Halloween and The Shining had done for horror, it has re-invented the genre by playing with it's cliches and twisting them and the audiences perspectives in a playful manner, and no matter how chaotic this movie becomes (the last 20 minutes in particular) it never quite fits into a certain sub-genre, which is another reason why this movie is so god-damn brilliant; it isn't afraid to step outside the box but doesn't become something it tried not to be, and it worked perfectly. The stylish mix of horror and satire is enough alone to make this film an enjoyable hybrid, but with a final act that's insanely chaotic and has the resemblance of every horror fans wet dream, it's hard not to appreciate a film that has bigger balls than Chuck Norris and isn't afraid to use them. That's whats best about Cabin, it knows what it is and it isn't afraid to "destroy the world" to prove it.

The Extras: The extras may not fulfill full what this film has behind the camera, but with the lengthy features ranging from creatures to effects, its hard not to appreciate what the team behind Cabin have put in, and with extras as detailed as these, we can see just how all the magic was made, and I mean that in a literal manner. The extras are as good as the film, and having the best of both world's makes this a near-perfect horror DVD experience.

VERDICT: The Cabin in the Woods is the fan film every horror fanatic has been waiting for, it's fun, it's ingenious and it's amazingly chaotic, combining both cliche and wit to create the perfect satire. Cabin is a ground-breaking horror that reinvents the genre and turns it inside out and proves that sometimes showing how the trick is done is just as good as the trick itself, and as for the final act...prepare to be mind-blown.


Short Review: [REC] 3: GENESIS (2012)

The Wedding Crashers

don't know why there is so much hatred for this film! Fair enough its not hand-held camera and its not based around the same subject. Who cares, that's a good thing! This film was a bold move but personally i think it paid of. The mix of hand-held and normal really made t feel more realistic instead of the whole "turn the camera off!" business, at least now we actually go to see all the action! The film is a completely new take on the zombie style and manages to make things comical whilst still trying to keep things serious. The gore is gorylicious and trashy and the style is somewhat comic book, different but in a good way. Fair enough some things were a little bizarre which have been carried on from the previous film. The whole religious aspect didn't cut well with me and really made me ask myself " why cant they just be normal zombies?" it worked well in the first film so why change now! All that aside it really is an enjoyable and entertaining take on the franchise, it may not be the best but by god is it the biggest blood-fest yet! All that is left to say is there's a scene with a drenched bride, a shiny chainsaw and a lot of zombies! Yes, that is awesome!

18 Feb 2013

Review: HALLOWEEN II (2009)

Original but as Dull as a 30-year old Blade
In 2007 Rob Zombie released a remake that was sure to annoy all Halloween fans as well as horror fans. Although it was a remake it differed itself a lot from the original, making it Rob's own. In doing this the only way he could succeed was by adding a shit load or gore, sex and disturbing scenes. I myself enjoyed the remake and thought it portrayed the character of Myers better than the original, despite his raging anger. Even though i thought it was good not many actually did. Critics ripped it to shreds as it only received a wasteful 24% on rotten tomatoes. Saying that not even the Halloween fans liked it...
After this flop i had definitely thought Myers was laid to rest not only by his fatal end in the film but how could someday create a sequel of Resurrection when a remake was in-front? So Rob planned the idea of a sequel to a remake, and there has been a very few times were this has happened. I didn't like the idea, and i didn't like the film...
Halloween 2 (or as Zombie likes to call it, "H2") is a boring, old-fashioned horror which seems to think that the main source of entertainment is gore, which its not. The biggest fault that is to come from this film is that there is actually no story what so ever. The film is basically about Myers who goes through a journey to find Laurie, who halfway through the film discovers Myers is her brother. After that its about five kills and a 2 minute chase scene along with some hallucinations on Michael's behalf.


The film is too boring to say the least. It lacks originality, scare and a good plot to incise the viewer. But we can't be interested from cliche alone, in-fact, cliche isn't interesting at all. What also annoyed me was the horrible grey filter that carries throughout the film which not only makes the atmosphere boring but makes the film really unattractive. Listen, im not saying the film is a complete failure because it isn't. I did like the fact that its a new idea apart from the first 15 minutes of the film (which is the best 15 minutes of the film). There are a few jumpy moments involved and very ugly death scenes involved too which occasionally reminds us of who it is directing (a man gets his face bashed it which Michael's heel of his boot). This film could have been much worse than what it actually is, but i could also have been much better by, i dunno, involving a plot maybe.

VERDICT: It's strange that somebody should create a sequel to a remake but unfortunately that isn't the problem with this film. Halloween II is a tired sequel that's too lazy to chase a victim and too boring to add a color every now and again. After the 45 minutes of pure dullness it makes you wonder if it was a bad idea to make a sequel to a remake, never mind a sequel to a classic.


Review: HALLOWEEN (2007)

Good by Remake Standards, Pale compared to the Original
Everybody has a vendetta against horror remakes and there's no denying it, were human, its what we do. When news was released about there being a remake of my favorite horror's i was against it from the very beginning. Then came the news that Rob Zombie was directing it,. From watching films such as the Devil's Rejects it was pretty clear that this version of Halloween was going to be an updated gory version. I hated the whole idea. Halloween came around and i liked it surprisingly. Well the cinema version was fair enough as it didn't have enough good old fashioned chase scenes and lacked suspense which was ever so common in the original. Then came the dvd which was much better and filled my horror needs. Kind of.


Rob Zombie's Halloween is undoubtedly violent and quiet disturbing at parts. Even though it inst Halloween i still thought it was a more realistic vision to Myers. What was a nice touch from Zombie was dedicating 45 minutes to Myers in his young days which shows his method of madness. Those 45 minutes could actually be the best part of the film. It is a more in-depth way to show Michael's life instead of  the audience having to assume that he's mad (it is obvious tho). Even though its a nice touch it at times was a little silly by the fact that his mother dearest was a stripper pole-dancer whore, his step-father was a lazy-ass verbally abusive bum and Michael's sister Judith, well she is a typical teen really, all of which show that his background was far from sunny. The young Michael scenes are very violent and and hearse but that's reality. The film may lack originality but it defiantly knows how to fulfill the gore-fans needs and it could please those who were disappointed with the sequels (me as one of them apart from H20). To be honest i couldn't see many Halloween fans liking this remake due to its large difference and change from the original but i liked it and enjoyed it so that all that matters. Well Done Rob.



VERDICT: Despite having very little to do with the original and having a very different style, its still an enjoyable horror flick to watch by all gore, sex and teen humour. Even though its no Carpenter or H20 it still manages to capture some true moments such as the life of Myers. I'm impressed.


Review: HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002)

Resurrecting maybe isn't the best idea...
So apparently it is in the contract that Michael Myers can never be killed. That he should remain alive forever so there should be no more sequels as such as Season of the Witch which is the positive side of it; the negative side is the upbringing of Resurrection, the worst Myers sequel yet (including the remake and sequel). Fair enough they were legally not allowed to leave H20 as the last due to the be-heading of Myers so it was inevitable that there would be another sequel. However, i did not expect it to be this poor.
I'm sure that everyone has gathered the premise from the title; well that's were you would be wrong. Its called Resurrection, yet no resurrection takes place; There cannot be a resurrection without a death and who died, Michael Myers? Wrong. The plot for this failure is that Myers was never killed by Laurie; In fact it wasn't him who she got axe-happy with, it was a paramedic who's voice box was crushed by Myers in the school when he was pronounced dead. What puzzles me it how a paramedic can get out of a body-bag, me lunged from a van widow, be rammed with the van into a tree and still manage to live! Not only that but the paramedic was fat but he was obviously too stupid to remove the mask. Silly right?


Now back to the film. I originally thought that it would be Myers yet again after Laurie but again i got it wrong. Yes he does come after her in the mental hospital but that is at the beginning for ten lousy minutes! And to make matters worse they kill of the main victim and reason for all the trouble, Laurie Strode by giving her a knife to the back and dropping her from the roof of the building. Sad times. Come to think of it they did but Laurie out of her misery and stopped her from being i anymore sequels. But, what is the purpose if there is no more family members? That's were they tie in the plot.
So a group of dumb-ass teens go to stay in the Myers house for an online game show but what the idiots don't know is that Myers still roams the house. The general plot isn't all that bad and definitely could have been worse. To add insult to injury the cast includes both Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks, the two hosts of the show. A new aspect added to the horror genre was the head-cameras all the characters have. It is quiet involving but can be really annoying at times, but the film's annoying in general so there's no shock there. There are death scenes that are poo such as being stabbed through the head whilst screaming, yet not one person hears the screams of the victim. They must all be def. The rest of the film from then plumage's to stupid ideas, bad acting and becomes utter scare-less. Actually the scariest part of the film is when Busta Rhymes does some Kung Fu on Michael's candy ass. Actually that part is just cringe.

VERDICT: Having to come back after such a powerful film was bad enough but to make it worse the entire film is just stupid. The title doesn't make sense, there are very little scares, the acting is poor and the outcome is just as bad as the beginning. Oh did i mention they killed of Laurie. Or maybe she killed herself because of the horror it would be to stay for the rest of the film. At least somebody made the right choice.


Review: HALLOWEEN H20 (1998)

Going back to basics clearly seems to be the better option
John Carpenter's Halloween was a horror that set new ground below future horror directors and is still to this day used as a blueprint for recent horror directions. Like most classics Halloween was riddled with sequels, all of which were average or below. Those sequels destroyed the originality of the 1978 adaption. This infectious movie disease is also commonly known with the Friday the 13th series, Nightmare on Elm Street series and even such secret gems as Hellraiser and Candyman. These films have all fallen victim to the destruction caused by sequels.


Every horror fan has little hope in sequels; after watching the previous seven we tend to switch of our interest and that's when we predict before watching. Yet we all know the film would be shit. Having said that, the one franchise which has managed to keep its game is Scream (1996) but that horror sets new grounds all together.
After watching five mindless and dull sequels i feel as if the next will be the same; that there is no hope in Halloween finding that pair of balls which it had taken from it in '82. Then came H20; One of the best horror sequels ever made!


When the news of H20 came around i thought there was no possible way they could ever create yet another back story behind Myers madness. Then came the stage were i discovered that H20 stood for "Halloween: 20 Years Later". Then that's when i started to get interested in this project. After the news of there being another sequel, gossip spread that Jamie Lee Curtis was resurrecting her character Laurie Strode for this installment. I predicted good for this film; and i was right.
H20 is the only real sequel to explode on our screens in ages as it is the only in a fair time that actually had a luring, smart and meaning story that the audience would both feel new too and remember. With Kevin Williamson's writing and Steve Miner's direction i knew it couldn't go wrong (even though Miner directed some crap in his day). Although the film didn't get the critical success as expected, i personally loved it and think its a Brilliant horror film and slasher flick.


H20 is filled to the tip of the pumpkin with surprising scares, unusual jumps, smart plot, meaning story and all-out entertainment. about 99.9% of horror films are filled with cliches and the same-old-same-old; but the beauty of H20 is that it explores new turf in the horror world and sets itself up in uncommon but possible and believable situations which are also the main source of fear. The opening is terrifying, the chase scenes are blood pumping and the ending is unexpected but is what the fans have been shouting for 20 years. I found no faults with this brill-thrill! even though i didn't give the film full marks it is still a favorite in my books. Definitely one sequel to watch!

VERDICT: After following five dull sequels we have been presented with a brilliant slasher that not only does the franchise justice, but it re-unites our fear and love we had with Carpenter's version and reminds us that the flame of Halloween hadn't quite burnt out yet. With its classy plot, against-cliche rules and surprise ending makes this one of the best horror sequels ever made. But, its still not quiet Carpenter.


Short Review: HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS (1995)

Really? Like, Really?!

I don't know if im thrilled at the fact that Myers is never going away or that the more films he's in the more obscure plots they invent to tie him into the story. I thought chasing a 10 year-old niece was bad until watching this installment. Yeah so apparently Michael Myers is worshiped like a demon or devil; monk typed followers are after little Jamie's new born baby after she hides it before her violent end in the series. Tommy Doyle (the weird boy who was babysat by Laurie in 1978) finds the baby and her coincidentally lives across from the Myers house (which changes every film. Strange.) and across from relatives of Laurie. Of course Michael comes back and gets a little knife happy and... you know the rest. Out of the Myers films so far number six has to be the most obscure of them all. Fair enough he could have been after Tommy Doyle and little Lindsay which probably would have made a better sequel but instead they chose to go with the hunt of a sacrifice. Seriously? that's just desperate. I'm not gonna lie, i enjoyed this sequel more than the previous two but it doesn't mean the film was good. Although there are some adrenaline moments it seems to be blocked by the force of silliness and pointless; two aspects which are blatant obvious. Its no secret that the Halloween films are slipping to utter destruction because the movies are public but what could have improved it was loosing the emo plot. The movie just didn't feel like a Halloween movie. The style is different, the music has a 90's rave upgrade and the image looks as if Michael has ate too much Holiday candy. Poor little fat killer; Never gets a word in. I would like the film even more if it wasn't for the monks and rituals, although my favorite scene from the film is a chasing through the mental hospital. How ironic. The film isn't good but it delivers its fair share of scares which have improved through the series; but what can you do, the films done now.

VERDICT: Even though its better than the previous two it still falls victim to the horror cliches and sequel silliness. It may have a few good scares which are effective; it doesn't take away from the fact that the plot is all kinds of ridiculous, and the film is average. The saying "Third time lucky" clearly doesn't work in this case.

Short Review: HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS (1989)

Myers begins to loose his game

I try my hardest to keep faith with the Halloween franchise and i hope that the next sequel that comes would succeed and entertain me. It was a smart idea to bring back Myers and to start the franchise up again but then came H4 which wasn't all that good and wasn't what many of us fans expected it to be. Then came the news that another Myers sequel and as expected we all hoped that maybe it would work this time. Unfortunately i didn't fill my Halloween needs and my needs as a horror fan. Halloween 5 is every bit as similar in style to H4. Its too familiar to stand on its own two legs and is at the same level on interest which isn't very high. I think its slightly better than the previous installment even though there is little difference and it doesn't cover new grounds but i found it that bit more intense (all due to the post shoot scene). The plot was a little dry and silly; even sillier than H4. Like seriously, what possibly could have happened to little Jamie for her to loose her voice completely? How the hell could Michael survive rounds of shotgun shells and bullets and still manage to walk around like a pimp. It doesn't make any sense. Or does it? Maybe this is all just an act to make sure that Myers will NEVER die under any circumstances; That is something that makes sense, possibly the only thing about this film that does. One of the aspects that worked was the unexpected killing of a previous main character which i can say i didn't see coming; but the director had to do something to make it different. I love Michael Myers so its positives that i look for in his films so here are a couple of good comments i struggled to think of; its surprising at stages, often scary but not a lot, there's a few scenes not shown on screen before and a die-hard Myers fan should enjoy.

VERDICT: Halloween 5 is an all-round average horror. It brings very little new to the table and tends to fall into silly horror cliche trends. There may be a few impressive scenes here and there but overall its just another one of those typical horror sequels which many will look back at and laugh.


Short Review: HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS (1988)

Michael Myers is back, and NOT better than ever

Right lets face it, the Halloween franchise had clearly fell flat and had died out with no re-light after the dreadful third installment which had ditched the whole Myers idea by leaving him for dead but was that the right idea? Well lets just agree that bringing back Myers was a good idea but wasn't t presented with grace. Even though Myers was missed, it makes me think that maybe he should have stayed dead as part 4 is just another mindless and silly sequel to fall into the franchise; which was also shown by Friday the 13th and Elm Street. Myers may be more blood thirsty than ever but his reason just aren't as valid as needs be. Its good to ditch the Laurie character before he became a joke along with this film but it could have been worse. The character of Jamie (Laurie's daughter) is a little too young for the butchering don't you think? even though she does a bit herself it is still obvious to the viewer that this little girl is never gonna die at the hands of Myers and definitely isn't gonna die on screen (since when have we ever seen a child knifed on screen? NEVER) Due to this silly plot the film becomes all kinds of obvious which actually drags the film down a few notches. Fair enough we do get a little surprise scare here and there but there is no solid horror involved; with the plot, the characters and even Michael (who seems to have lost his neck in this installment). I feel as if this sequel tries to follow the blueprint of the first which clearly has not worked. It could be he directors homage to Carpenter but i couldn't imagine the creator of H4 to be smart cause this film certainly isn't. Even though i could flood this review with negative points i have to mention the fact that i did enjoy it. I'm not saying its a good film because its not but i happen to be a Myers fan so seeing the masked killer back on screen was a delight and a relief as i though after H3 there is no going back. I was wrong. I think its safe to say that its the worst Myers film yet.

VERDICT: This Myers sequel isn't the worst film that's fallen on our screens and is certainly no Halloween 1; but i did find myself enjoying it slightly after over-looking the major faults that occur through-out but hey, It could have been Friday the 13th Part 4...


Short Review: HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH (1982)

Just No.

Halloween started off with power and really brought new material to the horror table in terms of scare and score. Its safe to say that Halloween was a ground breaking slasher that is a blueprint for horror films to come. With great comes poor, with Batman comes Robin, with Halloween came Halloween 2. Number 2 wasn't a complete failure to be fair as it did differ from the first and did add a nice little twist to intrege the audience that it failed to please. Lets just say it was a flop. But, what we never seen coming was the absolutely terrible entry that was to follow. Halloween 3 Season of the witch. Now before we go into the film just listen to the title; "Season of the Witch" Season of the Witch? Really? You Kill of Myers to start fresh and this is what you come up with? Its a joke! Right, were do i start with this catastrophic .. Well, its cheap, its ineffective  its drowzy, lazy, sloppy and scareless! These are a select few of many words to describe the flop! Lets say number three is a zone horror version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers; but is an Invasion of the Rubber turns real masks with Men in Black mixed with the Smiths from the Matrix. And that's not menchioning the attempt to homage Evil Dead. Its just down-right useless. Fair enough, the second film did kill of Myers but they could have came up with something better! for god sakes look how Friday the 13th managed, Jason was shot, stabbed  slashed, blown up and he still comes back for more straight-to-DVD sequels. So what was to stop Myers becoming that guy? Well for the future sequels he does but it still didn't stop the fact that this film will forever be considered a Halloween movie and will always be put alongside Myers moments.

VERDICT: Even though it was a follow up to nothing special they could have at least attempted to make this film a good watch or at least a decent one but instead we are stuck with a terrible durr film that has fuck all to do with Michael Myers which has a plot which was probably pulled from a hat and put in by a disabled person. The film could have worked but NOT with Halloween in the title.


Short Review: HALLOWEEN II (1981)

MORE of the Night He Came Home..

A Sequel to a classic is always bad news and does tend to send the original story of track by inventing some ludicrous back story which would soon alter the entire franchise  This is exactly what this film does! Not only is the film not as strong and chilling as the first but it also introduced a back story for Michael s chasing of poor Laurie Strode, He is her brother! The film overall is fair, its nothing too special or unforgettable but it is a good attempt to maintain the thrills that was provided in the first. This entry is violent compared to the first, considering that they have more money but it does take away the magic of having a slasher flick minus the blood and gore but of course, slipping into trend is a phase all horror films go into as this will show. Its almost like a cat and mouse chase, Michael walks around a deserted hospital looking for his little sis but picks off nurses and doctors one by one, leaving the building empty for the two to have a little fun. A fair sequel overall.

VERDICT: Considered as a film alone its fair, but as a sequel to Halloween its below average. The film basically consists of recycled scares and a larger body-count. they earned the money to throw in a few blood spills and make-up effects but this proves that money does not always buy happiness as it didn't make a better sequel.


Review: HALLOWEEN (1978)

The Word 'Classic' is an Understatement

Older films are common for being well known for their originality and genuine scare but often become tired, not a film to be watched with age, but Halloween, is a film that gets better with age. Halloween is of a young 17 year-old girl named Laurie who is stalked by a masked figure whilst she is babysitting on the night of Halloween. The Story is so simple but unique and is done beautifully, showing true fear and anxiety within the characters and shows that within an open road, there is nowhere to escape. It begins with a POV of a young boy journeying through his home to the room of his sister were he knifes her to death, chilling stuff. Soon slips into the escape and stalking of the vicious killer Michael Myers who s appearance alone is enough to haunt you, so plain but yet so scary, almost like the film itself. Not a dull moment awaits this chiller as it is a constant paranoia (we the audience see Myers lurking in the background), what we see is blind to the characters who soon become victimized  The film turns to pure adrenaline when most of the characters are discovered dead and Myers is revealed leading to a chase scene which is the most intense and unsettling moment of the entire film. Overall, Carpenter has shown that simplicity is originality and fear is the darkness.

VERDICT: From start to finish the film is filled with Carpenter's trade marks which really spice up the genre. with its unknowing darkness, fantastic score and frightening atmosphere makes this one of the best horror films ever made! 

Short Review: HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET (2012)

Lesson's will be learned from this; Never have high expectations.

First things first, 'The House at the End of the Street' is a stupid title for a film that doesn't even have a street, its just house scattered around a forest. How original. Now, the next issue this film faced was calling itself a horror, when actually their is very little horror involved; teen thriller would be a better title for this twilight styled flick. The is just too bleak to keep me interested, for god sakes it takes a good hour for things to pick up and when they finally do it gets interesting; but its not soon till that interest just falls due to the repetitiveness and the so called "twist". If your going to put "a great twist" on the poster please actually make it a good twist and not one that is interesting at the reveal but then as the film goes on, you realize that the plot is just a tad silly. I'm not saying the film is bad because it really isn't  actually its a fair little watch; it has scares and it is slick but i really did expect it to be better than what is was. Still worth a watch.

VERDICT: even though this slick little flick has some interesting scares and a pleasing twist, it doesnt stop the film from falling flat through most of the film due to lengthy dialogue and lack of real horror. Actually the biggest question unanswered is "why House At The End of the Street?" why use a title that has no involvement in the film? Tsk...Tsk


Review: SMILEY (2012)

There will be no Smiles after a viewing of this...
We are in a year of nothing but ghouls and goblins, a year that seems to think horror is a ghost that can only be seen on a camera on record. There is very little 'good old slasher' flicks to watch this year, but the ones that still have a grip on a knife turn out to be pretty dreadful. This is were 'Smiley' comes into play. 
Did you ever watch a horror film where there is nothing but fake scares? Actually, did you ever watch a horror film were there is so little scares that it almost becomes a spoof? Well if so, you were probably watching Smiley. This tedious "horror" really has so little to offer; horror-wise, in fact it has so little to offer in general. Its not scary, it's not interesting, it's not smart, for god sakes it's not even enjoyable, it's just another who-done-it type horror that fails to do anything right except invent a creepy ass villain; who in fact rarely makes an appearance. I personally believe there is nothing like bad acting to drag a film down, so when a film like Smiley is on its last legs the last thing it needs is a cast that have the acting ability of a B grade Drama student in senior school. The acting was that bad that I was routing for the 'Final Girl' I simply wanted her dead, and when that did happen I couldn't have been happier; well I think her death should have been better... 
You may think that I just spoiled the ending for you by letting slip that 'Mrs. Cant-act-for-shit' see's her demise at the end but that's not even the ending, there is also a twist! Oooohhhhhh! Pftt, I wish! I wouldn't even call it a twist, I'd call it a shameless act to piss the audience off; I didn't even make sense, it had no explanation and worst of all, its attempt to make the film better just made the film look worse. 
Let's have a little discussion on the general story. "I did it for lolz" is what is repeated three times over a site like Omegle if they wanted Smiley to appear. What? Stupid you say? What would give you that idea?! Of course it was stupid; it couldn't have got anymore stupid if it tried! At the end up I almost wish some would type "I did it for the lolz" to me so smiley would come take my life to stop me from watching the slasher genre from sinking down the drain. Despite having one or two moments that were average (which all involved the "real" Smiley) I had to over look it because the rest was so shit. 

VERDICT: This tedious horror really has so little to offer, horror-wise; in fact it has so little to offer in general. Its not scary, it's not interesting and it's not smart, for god sakes it's not even enjoyable, it's just another who-done-it type slasher that fails to do anything right except invent a creepy ass villain and execute a pretty terrible ending. At the end up I almost wish some would type "I did it for the lolz" to me so smiley would come take my life to stop me from watching the slasher genre sink down the drain.


LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...