30 Mar 2013

Review: 247°F (2013)

A Poor attempt at a Psychological Horror.

This straight-to-DVD horror release is about a group of young, conveniently hot friends that stay at a cabin for a weekend and end up getting trapped inside a sauna without any help whilst the heat rises and they struggle to survive.
Pretty basic stuff. Well before i get into my intentionally short review (as their is very little to talk about a film that is quite a bore of an experience) I just have to make a statement that I personally believe the person who pitched this idea sat down and said, "Well I was trying to think of ways to keep an attractive young cast naked throughout the whole film, so what better way to make that happen by basing this film in a sauna!" If the writer in fact never said this well it certainly feels like he did because it seems to be the soul purpose of this dull so called "horror".
So I'm not going to go into things to much here for two reasons; One: The movie doesn't have enough memorable qualities to review or even remember; and Two: Its a pretty bad film that doesn't deserve my time and effort to review. So, Let's get started shall we?

The Good: I'm not going to cut corners here; to tell you the truth there was very little I liked about this film. Any good quality it had it spoiled. Butttt.. since this is 'The Good' section it is my job to talk about what's good about the film, even if it pains me to do so. Right, i have to admit, the plot was ok in the sense that i don't recall it ever being done before so in that way its almost a new take in the Psychological horror sub-genre. Yeah i have to say, most of the film is pretty crap but the odd moment here and there have the ability to make you feel claustrophobic or uncomfortable which is a good thing compared to its endless inability to effect the audience. The characters are likable... in a way; Scout Taylor-Compton plays a helpless yet relatable character who surprisingly isn't as annoying as the other female character, who alone could put a normal sane off this film altogether.


The Bad: I am just going to scan through all the bad elements of this film quickly because I really dont want to spend anymore time talking about this film, plus there are too many bad moments to count. Ok well the film is tedious, its actually quite stupid, the acting is poor as is some of the character development. The film has to much arrogance for its own good, clearly the writers and directors thought they were on to something here and must have thought they were delivering something special, when in reality they were releasing a straight-to-DVD movie that fails as both a psychological flick and a horror. Even for the short time the film lasts it drags, and as for the ending, its one big slap in the face! How? well because when the door gets jammed against the ladder you think it happened because the drunk guy outside was attacked or killed, hence why everything was knocked over and why the door was blocked; so in me thinking this I then thought the landlord guy killed him and then deliberately locked the rest in the sauna to die. BUT, the reality and the so called "ending" was actually that the friend was so drunk that he knocked everything over (blocking the door) and then conked out on the sofa, then hours later he went to go find them thinking they left for a party, giving the reason that when the gang in the sauna called for help nobody heard them or came for them. DUHHH!!! Kidding, its the gang behind this film who are the idiots thinking THAT was a good ending. Oh and before I forget, adding the words "Based on True Events" doesn't make a film scarier. Rant over.

VERDICT: 247°F clearly tries to be something it's not, and actually thinks it's better than what it is. For a film that fails on nearly every level, it has guts, but by no means is this a psychological flick or even a horror, so placing itself into that sub-genre is offensive. For god sakes the film isn't even enjoyable! 

27 Mar 2013

THE WALKING DEAD: SEASON 3 FINALE [PREDICTIONS!]

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE FINALE? WHO WILL DIE? WILL THEY ESCAPE? This is what I think will happen...

As all you American's know, TWD season finale is on this Sunday, and it's then when i'll tune in through live stream to see what's going to happen almost a week before the UK (unlucky for us), and like me, I'm sure ALL The Walking Dead fans at this stage have predicted who will live and who will die in the Season Finale. So now is my opportunity to let all you know who I think will live and die... Let's Go through the characters shall we..

Right so before i go onto the death list i will first make it clear that Rick and Daryl will NOT die! Why? Well Rick is the lead so killing him off is basically ending the show altogether, and we all know that's not happening because there shooting Season 4 in May. Point made.
Daryl on the other hand is actually confirmed to live through Season 3; it's not a fact but one of the producers mentioned the crossbow in Season 4, therefor revealing that he lives and spoiling it for every DAryl fan who hates the though of him dying. Believe me, The day TWD creators kill off Daryl is the day they want to end the show, or at least loose almost half of their viewers.
Ok so let's move on.

ANDREA
Will she live? You know what, I think she will. We seen in the teaser that she is still tied up, yet it does seem as if he beats her. However, i can't see them killing her off especially when she has so much to prove; i mean, Kirkman must be annoyed that Andrea hasn't come across as strong and likable as she did in the comics, so i think they might keep her alive to try and make her what she is in the comics. Who knows, I could be wrong and they might actually get The Governor to kill her before he goes off to destroy the Prison. It's a big possibility.

THE GOVERNOR
Yeah, i'll put my money on The Governor being killed my either Rick or Michonne, most likely Rick. If the gang are going to leave the Prison (or are forced) then where will The Governor get involved? They would obviously move to an area further away from Woodbury so it would just be a lengthy journey for the Governor to get his "revenge". So I think he'll get killed off, along with all the rest of his posy and most of Woodbury.

TYRESSE
The reason why i am bringing up Tyresse is because i think he could be the one that saves Andrea and doesn't go to destroy the prison. I'm almost sure that he's not going to die anytime soon because we haven't quiet got to see the real him yet and he was a big character in the comics, so for Kirkman to allow them to kill him off would just be a major slap in the face for the comic book fans.

CARL
He'll live. No denying it. They have already killed off a kid so i can't see them killing off another, especially such a significant character like Carl the pest.

CAROL
Awk Carol, The one I feel sorry for; and it pains me to say that I think her time is up. As much as i dont want her to die i think it's near fact that she will. She played a big part in Season 2, but now, she's starting to become as important as T-Dog was back in Season 2. How she'll die, i don't know but whether or not little Judith will live or die I think she will be with her when she meets her demise. Awwwwwwww.

HERSHEL
The only reason why I'm saying this is because he is slightly crippled and is unable to run but i think Hershel will come to an end in the finale. I mean could you imagine him hopping about for another season? By the looks of the gang that invade the prison i can see him getting very far with a hop so a bullet or two through the body is more likely than him getting away.

MAGGIE & GLENN
Before i go on about the romantic couple i just have to make it clear that I think Beth will live. As much as i think she is a character that has little purpose or importance i still think they will keep her alive.
I think the question that everyone is thinking is which one of the two will live. We all know one of them will die but it's which one. It's hard to predict if either Maggie or Glenn or both will die, but to be honest, I think it will be Maggie who bites the dust between the two. I like Maggie, I really do but they have to kill of one of them and she seems to be the that seems most likely. I would rather them kill of Glenn because he is starting to become a real annoyance but they probably won't. The Question is, are the creators willing to leave Beth without Hershel and Maggie? Maybe they will keep one of the two alive but really, nobody can tell.

MICHONNE
Ah Michonne, the same doll who fought her way out of the tightest situations, the ninja of the zombie world. Will they kill Michonne off? HELL NO! They know fine rightly not to! She is a great character that needs so much more time to gel with the group. Trust me, she has as much chance of surviving than Daryl does. She will fight to the very last episode and even then, she will still probably be alive. I'm proud to say that I'm not team Daryl, I'm TEAM MICHONNE!

There are all of my predictions. I'm sure you all have different views on who is going to live or die but either way, blood will be spilled in The Walking Dead Season Finale this Sunday!

25 Mar 2013

TV Review: THE WALKING DEAD: SEASON 3.15 "THIS SORROWFUL LIFE"

Merle finally gets his own episode, and it's a memorable one.

TWD episode 15 "This Sorrow Life" i thought would have just been a filler, something that would be light on the action simply to build up for the finale;But god was I wrong. Episode 15 is what I would call, a brilliant episode, especially for the penultimate episode. It's very hard to talk about the episode without spoiling it, but thats what this paragraph is for, to let all you readers who don't want to know the outcome of the episode to read and to know that SPOILERS are ahead! You can just scroll to the bottom and check out the star rating if you want, but regardless i am going to go ahead and reveal spoilers.

SCROLL TO VERDICT IF YOU WANT TO AVOID MAJOR SPOILERS!!!!!

The Good: There was so much that was good about This Sorrow Life, in fact naming 'The Good' just seems wrong, so in that case I'm going to name 'The Great'. Let's start off by talking a little bit about the episode. So basically Merle wants The Governor dead so he knocks Michonne out and takes her as hostage, on the journey he finds a car, and takes of, letting Michonne free so he can do his business alone. On root he sets off the cars alarm, attracts walkers and heads the Woodbury were he ditches the vehicle and alerts some The Governor's little henchmen, who get eaten by walkers, and picked off one by one by Merle, who is sniping in a building near by. As he goes to take out The Governor a walker attacks, distracts and gets him caught. Governor starts a fight, bites off his fingers and finishes him off with the bang of a gun (awwwwww!!). Daryl comes in search for Merle, to find him gnawing on some poor guy; Daryl, after a few tears finishes him off and doesn't be kind about it. Merle had died and became a walker, Michonne returns to the prison, and The Governor gets ready to take Rick and co. down..

Good episode? Hell Yeah! So finale talk aside, this was a strong episode, character wise and emotionally. We had never really got to like Merle much as i feel he never properly got to redeem himself and show that he isn't the villain he was when he was with The Governor. Although this episode isn't really the perfect one to show that he's a nice man, considering the fact that he ambushed Michonne but it does make you like the character more and it really draws you in into his adventure, which hadn't been done before. But the main not you need to take when watching The Walking Dead is to NEVER get to attached to a character, because they will at some stage meet their demise (except Daryl, as they know the views with have a major drop if he is killed off, simple as that!). So if this was the episode that you started to like Merle, then tough shit because guess what, he dies, and that's just a recurring theme for TWD. Where have you seen this you say? Well lets get started... Dale finally got his big episode, and what happens at the end? he dies. Axel finally gets involved and then BAM, he gets shot. Jim starts to get some character development and then he gets bit and is left to turn. You see what's going on here? So in that case you shouldn't have been surprised they killed him off because we all knew it was going to happen; i did, and TWD fans should have predicted it too. Still a shame though.

Episode 15 was the perfect combination of gore, action, zombies and heart. Yeah we see a good old shoot out, and a few munches from Walkers (which we haven't seen in a while) but the strongest aspect of this episode was the reveal of Merle chewing on fresh flesh. Yeah i knew it was coming but it was still shocking, and it still took me by surprise. I mean it's Merle, the tough guy; so to see him as a walker was crazy, yet surprisingly emotional. I could imagine every Daryl fan crying at him crying, because it was sad and we would have never though we would have seen the day Daryl would cry; but i think it was just that which made that moment that bit more emotional. You could see that relationship blossom like never before, his struggle to try and kill Merle even after he had a mouthful of flesh. That moment were he is in tears, pushing him away was heart-breaking and really proved that even through all that gore and violence, The Walking Dead can still deliver heart.

You might understand when i say this that i could ramble on for another while yet about the good of the episode but i'll stop while i'm ahead and move on the bad of the episode.

The Bad: I'm actually not sure if there was anything bad about this episode, not one that i can think of off the top of my head. Actually nothing was bad, which doesn't really make much sense as i wouldn't give this a solid 5 stars. I don't make much sense. I suppose i could say the episode just wasn't up to it's best; yes the gore and deaths was good but even when action was happening, nothing was really intense; it just sort of... happened and quickly ended. Could they have made this episode better? probably, but for what they delivered it was pretty impressive.

VERDICT: This Sorrow Life wouldn't be one of the better episodes, but that doesn't take away from the fact that even if your predictions are correct, you will still feel every emotion that it want's you to feel, and i assure you, you will still be left shocked even if you predicted the outcome. All i can say is next week, will be  a good one.

20 Mar 2013

Review: DARK FEED (2013)

The Ward writers return with a dreary and pointless horror flick.

Dark Feed, 2013's excuse for a "smart" or "inventive" horror that, in its delivery falls flatter than a stiff corpse. Basically what Dark Feed is about is a film crew that shoot in an abandoned psychiatric hospital, but (as expected) things start going wrong and the crew members, one by one start to loose their insanity. Yeah well in my opinion, it sounds like the same old crap you have 1 in 5 chance of picking up in the horror section of the DVD store. Even though we all know this story is far from original you can tell that the writers thought they were onto something when writing this, when realistically, they should have been chucking this in the trash the first opportunity they got. But they never and the film was still made so no more needs to be said.

The Good: Its a struggle to be honest to think of something that i liked about this, but i have to do it so it's time to get my thinking cap on. Well i think it's fair to cut the writers (Michael Rasmussen and Shawn Rasmussen) a little slack here; yeah i know they can't blame anyone for the directing because it was them who directed their own script, so for it to be really bad is completely their fault; but you have to applaud them for trying. Yes the script is generic for the sub-genre it's in but it does try; and although it doesn't deliver any good or anything new for that matter, it manages to add a new take to the sub-genre; and it actually managed to shock me a few times, not my much but for what it is i was surprised.


The Bad: I have to get this off my chest quick! the BIGGEST fail of this film was in fact the score that was used. You might not think it but it was. The music and score of a horror is what makes a film scary; did you ever watch Halloween on mute? It's not scary, it's the furthest thing from scary. So for Dark Feed to have a terrible score and expect to scare us, is just the most ridiculous thing ever! If your planning to watch this film and happen to think that it will be scary because the poster looked it, then STOP RIGHT THERE! you will be so shocked otherwise. I mean, that poster promoting the film makes it look watchable, but if i was to be brutally honest, i would say that i have never realized how valuable 85 minutes can be, and how slow it can pass when watch Dark Feed.
I hope you all realize i could go on for hours about how bad this film is, but if i'm going to be honest, i kind of forget a lot of it, i mean i watched it two days ago so of course i'm going to forget it, especially when i hated it as much as i did. 

VERDICT: What can i say, Dark Feed its a boring, tedious, ineffective piece of trash that barely belongs on the shelves never mind your screen. I would advise you to avoid this at all cost, unless the last remaining horror films are this, Jason X and Episode 50, in which i'd probably still not recommend. Fair enough, if you want a way to waste a good hour and a half, be my guest and watch it, but trust me when i say this, you will be saddened at the thought that an 90 minutes of your life have been wasted.

18 Mar 2013

TV Review: THE WALKING DEAD: SEASON 3.14 "PREY"

The Governor goes hunting for Andrea in one of the best episodes of the Season.

So basically this episode takes us away from the prison and takes us to...well Woodbury, kinda. The episode follows the story of Andrea once again, except this episode knocks the other one out of the park. So the episode follows Andrea who has basically given up on The Governor and knows exactly what he is and what he's capable of (finally), so she runs back to the prison were she belongs, but unfortunately for her, Governor knows and then goes on the hunt for her. 
THIS IS WERE THE SPOILERS BEGIN!!!!!!!
Andrea gets away a few times after a good chase or two but then, just as she sees home, she is pulled away from the Governor before Rick could see and is now, bound and gaged in the torture room by The Governor.
OMG you say? I know right! Before i go into the good and the bad of the episode i just have to say that this is defiantly one of the best episodes of the Season...so far.

The Good: Where do I start! Well i think i can speak for everyone when i say this, that we were all routing for Andrea. I mean even for those who really don't like her we all wanted her to reach that prison because we just witnessed the fight she went through to get there and how sadistic and creepy The Governor actually is. I have never routed for a character as much in my life, which proves that i have never been so attached to a programme and its characters ever like this before. The sheer relentlessness of this episode was nerve-racking; apart from the first 15 minutes, this was intensity at it's finest. I mean, i could bare it, i was on the edge of my seat from the moment he started chasing her through a field in his truck; there has been very few times were i literally started shouting at the screen and this was one of those times.

What was defiantly best about this episode was that one scene were Andrea is trying to hind from the Governor in a shattered, broken building. What made it so good? well it was intense, chilling, dark, nerve-racking entertainment which could have easily sent chills up your spin, mostly due to The Governor and that moment when he walks around whistling; truly terrifying. Oh and to add to the moment, they through a bunch of Walkers in the mix to spice things up, and it added perfectly to the scene.

If your one of those fans who like The Governor, well then i'm almost positive you'll think differently after watching episode 14. Why? well because never before has The Governor been so sadistic. I feared him when watching this episode; simply by the way he walked around, the way he was hunting for her, his whistling (which may i add was simply chilling) and the way he has Andrea strapped and gagged to a chair like one of his victims. Him doing this makes you think "What's he going to do to her?", "will her torture her? Will he use her as bate? Is he going to trade her with Rick for Michonne? or is he simply going to kill her?" I don't know, and that what makes him even scarier, his unpredictability. All I know is that Andrea is NOT going to get it easy.

The Bad: I struggle to think of bad things about this episode. Well i could say that the first 15 minutes were a bit slow but i don't mind about that. Oh! this is the perfect opportunity to say that American Advertisements are a joke! this was the first time i had ever watched TWD through livestream as i live in the UK and it airs on a Friday night; so for me to experience those adverts was awful! All i have to say is NEVER AGAIN!

VERDICT: Episode 14 "Prey" has to be one of the best episodes of the season, alongside the one were Lori meets her demise. Well to put it simply this episode is Extremely intense, relentless and totally unexpected. It is a MUST that you watch this episode! 

Top 10 Surprisingly Brilliant Horror Films

10 Horrors that will take you by surprise.

10. [REC] (2007)
I'm not sure what it is about [Rec] that makes it so good but i can honestly say that it is one of the best zombie films about, and defiantly one of the most unconventional of it's sub-genre. Its impressive, its original, its intense, it's very scary and extremely unnerving. Throwing a few sequels in the mix did decrease its value due to adapting the story which was completely unnecessary, oh well, it's still an impressive film either way.

9. ATTACK THE BLOCK (2011)
This Urban monster flick proves little to the imagination but never before has a monster movie been so much fun. The whole 'Hoodlums against aliens' concept is fresh, but its not that which makes the film so good, but its relentlessness and heart-pumping adrenaline. Trust me when i say this, you will not see this film coming and you will not expect it to be this good.

8. ZOMBIELAND (2009)
I'm not sure what it was that made me not expect how good this film was going to be but i must say, after i watched it i just fell in-love with Zombie flicks all over again. Before Zombieland the zombie sub-genre died, and unfortunately didn't rise like a zombie corpse until Zombieland hit screens. It's fun, its gory and it's funny, an unfamiliar yet successful approach to the zombie sub-genre. Defiantly one of the best zombie films since Romero.

7. THE LOVED ONES (2012)
Definitely one of the darkest torture-porn flicks about, and for horror fans, this should be the equivalent of a wet dream. Its dark, its gory, its uniquely fun, its filled to the brim with the best torture, has sadistic characters and has a plot that is takes it many twists and turns for the best. Seriously, you should watch this in a heart-beat, you will not regret it, and will not forget it, especially a certain scene with a drill...

6. WOLF CREEK (2005)
Wolf Creek would have to be one of my favorite horror's of 2005. It is one of those films that would split audiences but i can't understand how anyone wouldn't like this film (apart from gore hounds). Wolf Creek is intense, terrifying, edge-of-your-seat entertainment that will keep your blood pumping as soon as the action begins. If you haven't seen this, you are certainly missing out!

5. GRABBERS (2012)
Grabbers is an Irish alien invasion flick that is defiantly the hidden gem of 2012. I think many would approach this one as a waste of time, straight to dvd trash with useless effects, well if you said that your wrong! Trust me, i said the same thing but when i left the cinema i was in complete shock at how fun this film was. Well its not very scary but god you will have fun watching it! If it makes you think that its what the Irish would do in an alien invasion, your on the right tracks.

4. EDEN LAKE (2008)

Again, another film that many have not seen, yet a film that all horror addicts should see immediately. Yeah we all know that Shaun of the Dead is the best Brit Horror, but to be honest, Eden Lake would be a more suited candidate for that title. Its sharp, grimy, violent, disturbing, intense and relentless. What's not to like about a film with all the right elements. Oh and if you still think its an unknown film that nobody knows of, then just remember, Michael Fassbender is in it.

3. TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL (2011)
Ok so before i watched this i thought there was no hope, just an hour and a half of Cliche. Although i was right, i was wrong. The film turns Cliches on its head and makes the opposite the 'New'. I think it is that aspect which makes this film so brilliant. Although it doesn't feel much like a horror, and more like a spoof it still manages to throw out the blood, guts and comedy elements, whilst still keeping the horror cliches at heart. It may not be the best horror of 2011 but its certainly the most enjoyable.

2. TRICK 'R' TREAT (2006)
Did you ever feel like John Carpenter's Halloween is the only applaudable horror to watch on Halloween night? Well think again; yes Halloween is always good but if you want to spic it up a bit watch Trick 'r' Treat!  What can i say, its like getting a large bag of sweets that has a mixture of all your favorite kinds. Trick 'r' Treat s one of the best and most inventive festive horror's of all time. I can honestly say, nothing says Halloween like Trick 'r' Treat!

1. THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012)
Prepare to witness one of, if not the most Inventive horror film of all time! Words cannot describe how good Cabin is. You can't call yourself a true horror fan if you don't like this gem. You will never look at another horror film the same again; it takes every horror cliche and turns them inside out, revealing to us just how things are made, and trust me, the pay-off couldn't be better. With a final 20 minutes that's absolutely bonkers, The Cabin in the Woods is the film that every horror geek craves and needs.

16 Mar 2013

TV Review: THE WALKING DEAD: SEASON 3.13 "ARROW ON THE DOORSTEP"

Rick and The Governor get deep as they are involved in a heated conversation.

In this episode we see very little, which seems to be a running theme these past couple of episodes, which could be perfectly fine for everyone, but for me, i need to see some zombie chopping. It is one of those talky episodes again which i am not all that interested in, but seeing what's gonna happen next week gets me excited. But i'm not here to talk about an episode i haven't seen yet so i'll continue on with this one. 

The Good: Well what i think was best about this episode was The Governor, why you ask? well because i think it shows us a different side to him, whether its good or not i don't know but it's a change...for a change. We finally hear about were he comes from and his story, but even after i wasn't quite sure if he is simply a man with problems or still a complete psychopath. I'll stick with him being a Psychopath. I think this would be a good point for the character and for most others but not for me; Glenn growing up is just not what i want to see. Glenn would have been one of my favorites when he was still that pizza boy, but now him trying to be the leader and being mature just isn't a good look in my opinion. But the character development is what's good about that. I'm excited to see what Andrea is going to do also, we are starting to see her move away from The Governor and ask questions involving him being a complete looney-bin, so i'm interested in seeing what she is going to do to him, and what he will do to her for (possibly) leaving him. You can never quite predict whats going to happen which is defiantly the best thing about the entire show, and i'm sure it will really play against our predictions next week.

The Bad: Again, its a slow-burner, nothing happens really apart from the two guys talking and a few walkers being killed here and there. That's it really. I mean if someone missed this episode they wouldn't really be missing much; yeah they might be out of the loop for a minute or two but once someone tells them briefly that The governor want's Michonne and the prison will stay safe that's all they need to know.

Although this episode may not be the best, it sets us up perfectly for what is going to happen next week, and i can bet that episode 14 will be a pretty good episode.

15 Mar 2013

Review: LOVELY MOLLY (2012)

A Wasted Opportunity.
 

Lovely Molly, 2012's horror from the same guy who brought the Classic found-footage horror The Blair Witch Project is a lot of things... one of them, being an unfortunate waste. When i say an unfortunate waste i mean that its a film that had potential, but was ruined, i don't quite know by what, but it was.

The Good: Well, i'm not going to say there wasn't good moments in this film just because i didn't like it because in fact Lovely Molly did have a few moments that had me intrigued and one or two WTF moments. Ok so what i actually liked the most which is rare for a horror was the ending, i didn't care much for the very end of the film but the last five minutes were subtly bonkers, which really freaked me out (SPOILERS!!!!!) it was just the way she walks away and before you know it, BAM there's a tall man with some mutated horse ram head with glowing eyes watching her. I'm fully aware it sounds silly but the way that creature-man thing just stood there whilst Molly walked to it really freaked me out, and if that thing was shown earlier on in the film i would have wanted to watch it even more!
The film was a little nasty at times and had the odd twist and turns but there was nothing major involved. The scene were she is watching herself getting raped by the ghost at her work was pretty sick but was nothing to provoke nightmares; in fact most of the film was like that (apart from the ending which i have already mentioned).


The Bad: Yeah well i think its safe to start off by saying that if your a fan of gore and guts, you won't like this, if your a slasher fan, you won't like this, if your one of those horror fans (like me) that LOVE when a film is extremely enjoyable, then this film is certainly not for you. It's mature in it's delivery, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but it's far to serious for its own good and for what it has the right to be. Whats possibly the worst thing about Lovely Molly is that it sets up and unsettling, dark, psychological tale that falls flat on it's delivery. It had the chance to be something memorable and haunting, but instead it has just become a generic, lack luster tale of a girl haunted by her dead father. There's nothing new here, despite what the plot promises; one you've seen one you've seen them all is what i say, and this is the perfect case of something being similar to the rest, similar the all the other serious ghost flicks.
It's a slow burner, there's very little real horror involved which was probably intentional for the director and writers but it's just not interesting enough to keep hold of our attention. When watching it you can see what there trying to do, which is show the loss of sanity in the Molly character, which works but you can't base an entire film on that aspect alone, and when you do the result looks like this.

VERDICT: Lovely Molly can be ambitious at times and proves that it has potential, but when a film with a good plot is diluted by dull moments, ineffective scenes and an unsatisfactory delivery, you will most likely have a result like Lovely Molly, 2012's most unfortunate event.

12 Mar 2013

THE HILLS HAVE EYES FRANCHISE

SHORT REVIEWS - A Mixed Bag of Horror and Unintentional Comedy.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006)


As far as cannibal slashers go this is up there as one of the best and defiantly as one of the most shocking. This must see experience delivers all the ingredients e to make sure that you will never camp in a deserted area again. It frightening, its slick and its extremely disturbing which has just enough sick and twisted scenes to keep you shocked for weeks. As far as remakes go, this one is a good'en!




THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (2007)


There is no comparison between this film and the proceed-er  in fact this film has the potential to be one of the worst sequels ever when comparing it to the first. The advantages of this film is that it pumps out the gore but the many disadvantages is that it does it with a lack of originality, a lack of inventiveness and a shortage of shocks and scares, which is all the things that made the first one so brilliant.


Review: CHERNOBYL DIARIES (2012)

SHORT REVIEW - Chernobyl has a good plot with a flawed delivery

There has been alot of down-put towards Chernobyl Diaries when actually, the film is quiet chilling. Yes it is from the same makers of Paranormal activity and yes, it isn't near as good as it but Chernobyl Diaries has soul and really has its finger on the pulse of intense fear. I'm not saying this film was excellency because it wasn't  it had its faults and plenty of them but looking past the lengthy introductions and chatter, the scenes that are meant to be scarier were done with justice. Throughout the film i was tortured by the hidden identity of the creatures/humans and was dying to see what it actually was that was hunting the group; but by the time we actually find out it turns out to be an anti-climax. Not going to lie, i was hoping it would be some mutated villagers or spider-like creatures but it was neither. The final 20 mins or less is basically members of the groups running and running and running, get picked of one by one. Although it brings quiet an adrenaline rush it also becomes a little tired until it is put to rest by a surprising yet flawed ending.

Review: DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK (2011)

SHORT REVIEW - Good, but familiar.



Don't Be Afraid of the Dark? Well as much as the film pleased me I think it's safe to say that I'm still not afraid of the dark even after watching this child-like horror. This creature flick appears very enthusiastic and atmospheric with all the right frights to make you feel as if the little creatures have clung to your back. But, Del Toro presents an almost child-like styled horror which I'm afraid wouldn't embed any bad thoughts but would probably provide sleepless nights... for children. Good effort but if you're a gore hound then I'd easily give this one a miss.


Review: I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (2011)

SHORT REVIEW - The torture porn sub-genre goes slack.


As much as I wanted to sit down and be completely disturbed and amazed at the same time that just didn't happen unfortunately.  You can see that the director was trying to create an ending intensity but it just didn't work, and even when the helpless 'final girl' gets her revenge it still doesn't quite satisfy; maybe its just because it fells quite generic or maybe the fact that there wasn't enough character development for us to care for this girl, but whatever it was it didn't work. The first act was edgy and quite disturbing but as soon as it launched into the revenge sequences it just feels lazy and was extremely ineffective, almost like a sequel to 'Saw'. There was no enjoyment from this film, making it an hour and a half of just bland torture porn.


Short Review: EPISODE 50 (2011)

Short Review for a Painful Experience.

It is proven that when you look up words suck as "Pathetic" "Rubbish" "scareless" "dumb" and ever other negative word possible the title "Episode 50" should appear. Have I ever seen a horror film as bad as this? No. I could literally say this is one of the worst horror films in history, and I have seen Jason X. Its tedious, its terribly acted, its completely scareless, Its almost indescribable how bad this film actually is. Let's just all pray for the viewers and any living thing on this earth that there will NOT be an Episode 51.


Review: THE DEVIL INSIDE (2012)

Regan would be ashamed...
The topic of horror these past couple of years has been on demons, ghosts and the devil. Most of those films are effective and scary, but some are dull and lifeless. The Devil Inside is that some From start to finish the film lacks originality, scares and entertainment; Just same old boring body-twisting action. The film is another documentary type about a young woman who travels to Italy to visit her psycho mother who had committed devil crimes years before. When she gets there her mothers turns demon-ly and acts out in evil. 

I'm not going to bother with the good and bad because this is just BAD.
The films starts of in the Last Exorcism tracks, which to be honest wasn't exciting or scary at all when it was obvious that was one of the main scares of the film (clearly not). After all the "commotion" there is at 20-minutes of none stop talk about complete nonsense which would send you fast asleep. At this point of the film, I felt tired. When the scares start to take place involving the mother there are some jumpy moments, purely out of surprise and not fear factor. When the films starts to get better the action finally stops and then suddenly pulls us back to the bottom; along with boring, tired and pointless. 


The Documentary type horror started off with a bang with the Blair Witch Project and has slowly weaken to a puff with this lame excuse for a horror. They had there strong entries such as [REC], but it also ranges up to Episode 50. There is a point in the film after what feels like 10 hours of crap where a creepy woman is laying like a rubix cube, snapping and twisting every bone in her body; which I have to say was a bit creepy and disturbing. No word of a lie that was the high of scariness in that movie. Overall the film is down right boring, unappealing, uninteresting and unscary, and not to mention the fact that it has the worst ending for a film in a long time. This film, at some parts is unwatchable.

VERDICT: Throughout the film I couldn't help but feel tired and bored as the scares were ineffective and the film was uninteresting. There are a lot of similarities to the previous documentary flop The Last Exorcism which isn't good considering it was a weak excuse for a horror. Well, whatever devil is inside you was obviously inside the writers if they came up with this crap.

10 Mar 2013

Review: COMEDOWN (2013)

Talk about a film that 'comes down' before your very eyes.

Comedown, a late 2012 slasher from the director of 'Kidulthood'. Have i seen Kidulthood? No. Do i want to see Kidulthood? Not after watching this pile of garbage. Comedown is an urban based slasher about a group of teens who party in a dilapidated apartment building off of London. As expected they started getting picked off one by one by someone else who is in the building, who happens to live there so knows the in's and out's of the building. The mysterious man traps them in the building so they can't escape and so he can pick them off one by one. Cliche you say? Please, what gave you that idea... 

Yeah so i think i have the right to say that not only is this an early contender for Worst Horror Film of the Year, but i can also say that it's in the running for Worst Slasher of the Decade. Let's journey through the good and bad of the film shall we...

The Good: Hmmm... Well i can safely say it pains me to try and remember what i liked about the film because this was one boring and cliched 85 minutes that i will never get back. Ok in all fairness, it have to give it credit for its style, the entire film has this grimey urban look and feel to it which is unusual when it comes to slasher flicks, so in that aspect it's a good thing. For a film with a low budget (i'm assuming from the laughable effects) it's very sick, so anyone who is a fan of The Collection or Saw might find this pleasing, as it is quite sick and a little twisted. Moving on.


The Bad: Where do I start! Right, firstly, it has to be one of the most Cliched slashers i have seen in quite some time. I mean, i lost count of how many times i have seen "the hard man" wonder off alone thinking he can take the killer on alone, then die. I don't know how many times i've seen a girl hide from the killer, and then when she "thinks he's gone" she tries to escape, just to run into the killer who is standing right by her door. I mean who writes this crap! You would think maybe the writer and director would try and do something different, but instead they went and bought 'The Horror Book of Cliches' and then decided to come up with Comedown. Seriously, i have had enough with these types of films. To save my time from talking anymore about this crap i will quickly go through all the problems with Comedown. Here i go... It has terrible effects, and when i mean terrible, i mean TERRIBLE; never before has someone falling from a building looked so god damn ridiculous. The acting from certain characters is as stale as the film itself. The concept is poor on many levels,  The characters are a mix between extremely hateful and just plain annoying. Oh, speaking of annoying, that's what the film is, an hour and a half of just pure annoyance. And to end it all of, it is putting a bad name to the country that brought us 28 Days and Weeks Later, Attack The Block and Shaun of the Dead.

VERDICT: The best way to describe this film is to say it's an annoying by-the-numbers slasher that fails in nearly every way possible in making a decent horror flick. Its a tedious, boring, run of the mill slasher that doesn't deserve  a viewing, as it will only waste a precious hour and a half which you could spend watching on something well worth your time. If you have the chance, Please avoid this trash at all cost.

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