12 Jan 2014

2013: Best to Worst Horror Films

2013 has been and gone, and although it didn't promise as much as what 2014 seems to offer, the horror genre really made an improvement by displaying an impressive year for the genre. Here is my list of horror films (including ones with horror elements) that I watched made for 2013, ranked from best to worst. Let me know what you think of the list in the comment section below, and were you would rank films.

1. You're Next
You're Next is exactly the sort of horror film that needs to be seen by movie and horror buffs alike; It's scary, tense, funny and extremely fun, it knows what it is and isn't afraid to crank it up to the max for full effect. You're Next is a real nail-biter that will surely dish out the gore, entertainment and laughs, sometimes all at once; Prepare yourself for the best horror of 2013, accompanied by one of the best female leads in horror history.

2. Evil Dead
2013's Evil Dead may not be "The Most Terrifying Movie you will Ever Experience" but it can definitely hold the title for 'The Goriest Horror Ever". Fan's of the original may not like this re-vamp, but for horror fans all around the world, they can sit back and enjoy one of the goriest and most fun horror flicks in recent years.

3. V/H/S/2
V/H/S/2 surpasses the previous entry on so many levels, this time around, it's fun, it's scary, it's inventive, it's intense and it's goddamn entertaining! each segment is filled to the brim with invention, and although this may not be the best horror of 2013, it was still a bloody good watch.

4. The Conjuring
Don't follow the hype, as you might be slightly disappointed, but The Conjuring is a truly frightening flick that sets an all-new standard for the supernatural sub-genre, and making the Paranormal Activity franchise look like a joke when it comes to the scares, be ready for an extremely intense, pulse-pounding, spine-chilling fright-fest that will surely cause a few night-less sleeps.

5. Big Bad Wolves
Big Bad Wolves is an outrageously fun, sharp and savage revenge thriller that’s effective blend of gory violence and snappy gags works perfectly against its deeply dark central narrative. The talented cast and twist reveal only makes the experience that bit more delicious, and by the time the credits role, you will feel like you have witnessed a soon-to-be classic. Watch out for one of the best revenge films in years.

6. World War Z
World War Z may contain frequent dumb character decisions and feel a bit like a game and less like a film, but there is no denying that this is an energetic, heart-racing, intense zombie experience that doesn't fall short on scares or originality.

7. This is the End
This is the End makes for a pleasant hybrid satire that will surely deliver plentiful laughs along the way; and with a combination of classic horror conventions and a strong comedic cast, this will definitely please horror and comedy fans alike.

8. No One Lives
No One Lives is a fun, smart and slick slasher that uses cliches in a playful manner and turns our perspectives upside down to create a nerving, unpredictable blood-spilled experience. And although it is as sprayed in flaws as it is blood, it safely manages to up-the-ante in the modern slasher genre, by adding in old-school material. 

9. We Are What We Are
We Are What We Are may test your patience to a brave extent, but it proves to be a dark and twisted tale of a family with a shaming lust for human flesh, it hits the mark on delivering an effective mature piece with a superb cast and a darkly macabre final act.

10. Would You Rather
Would You Rather is a smart and fresh new edition to the torture porn sub-genre ; although it doesn't quite fit the criteria of 'Saw' and 'The Collection' but that not necessarily a bad thing, considering Saw was only focused on the deaths and gore, whilst this film focuses a little more on character, bringing more depth to the film. There are elements of 2012 horror 'Truth or Dare (Die)' here, expect Would you Rather is miles ahead on inventiveness, character and overall story. All i can say is that this is one hidden gem that should not be missed.

11. Warm Bodies
The casual movie go'er should enjoy this as a whole new experience of anything they have seen before, and the casual horror zombie fans should enjoy it for its Zombieland-like qualities. By no means is this a great film because it certainly is not but what I can say is that you'll have one heck of a time watching this one.

12. American Mary
American Mary may not be an masterpiece, but it certainly tries to differentiate from what the modern horror genre has to offer and doesn't follow the Teen horror cliche. It's a brave attempt to try something new which the Soska Sisters successfully pull off. It's slick, stylish, inventive and gloriously gory.

13. The World's End
Nothing about The World's End is bad by any means, but nothing about it is memorable enough to cause a lasting impression; luckily, a strong cast, plot and action is enough to make a ludicrously fun comedy that delivers effective gags, making this a highly enjoyable final chapter into the Cornetto trilogy.

14. Carrie
Despite being unnecessarily familiar to Palma's original, Peirce's re-telling of Carrie is still strong due to the modern telling of teen anguish along with the fantastic performances from both Moretz and Moore. For a remake, it's pretty impressive, and you can't go wrong with a good old Prom scene.

15. Maniac
Maniac is a psychotic, intense and horrifying experience that takes the horror genre to a new level, visually and stylistically. Although it has it's tired moments, you are still able to appreciate what it brings to the table, whether it's skin tearing or Elijah Woods's brilliant performance, I'm sure you'll still find this a unique watch.

16. Texas Chainsaw
Texas Chainsaw trips like a helpless victim over cliched character development and dumb narrative structuring; and although it tends to tread over familiar territory, striking nostalgia of just how ridiculously funny 80's horror flicks were, it still reminds you of just what the slasher genre used to be; campy, trashy, fun.

17. Haunter
The plot is strong enough to carry the film, as is Breslin, and with its dark intensity and twisted ambition, it makes this one of the smartest horror's of the year; though it was too muddled and tedious for its own good.

18. Stoker
The stylish simplicity may be visually indulgent, but Director Chan Wook Park doesn't quite know what he's doing, so Stoker doesn't quite know what it is; and with its dark atmospheric tone you should see the art within this thriller, though aside from its enthusiastic exhibit of creativity, it's not worth a second look.

19. 100 Bloody Acres
Often funny, often gory, it never quite makes that complete merge which can be off-putting in a film that feels more like a comedy with gleeful gore and less like a hybrid horror. Despite its many character and narrative flaws it is a fun hybrid genre flick that may or may not go down well with horror fans depending on who the audience is, you may like it, you may not, it's just that sort of flick.

20. Aftershock
If shock surprises and unpredictability is your bag, then dig right in, but if your looking for a film that has a little more meaning and emotion behind the gore and kills then Aftershock is not for you. It's still a fun by-the-numbers flick though.

21. Curse of Chucky
Curse of Chucky may not do anything new for the casual horror fan and might come across as forced and predictable, but fans of the franchise should eat this up as a treat as this entry will surely get their hairs standing with excitement. Chucky may not be back with a bang, and seems to be growing old, but for a quiet night in, it makes for a fun watch.

22. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunter
Hansel & Gretel, there is no denying as a film, you are pretty bad. With your poor plot, lack of narrative, flooding pointlessness and pro-longed tediousness; but i have to say, you were pretty god-damn enjoyable.

23. Hatchet III
Hatchet III proves is proof that the franchise is running dry on innovation judging by the clunky formula and the lackluster deaths. However, fans of the previous two entries will adore this blood-soaked, gut splattered gore-fest that ends the franchise, not with a spill, but with a splatter. The casual film go-er however should avoid this as fast you would Victor Crowley.

24. Sharknado
What ever way you look at it, good or bad, Sharknado makes for a ridiculous movie experience, and as fun as it may have been, I can't see me giving this one another watch anytime soon. You ready for Sharknado 2: The Second One? I don't think I will be for a while...

25. The Purge
The Purge has a strong plot, strong action and a creepy delivery, but it falls on the last hurdle by character decisions and a lack of creativity, especially with a premise such as this. What ever way you look at it, The Purge can be good or bad, but what it won't be, is memorable.

26. Black Rock
Black Rock starts as a lean chase-thriller, and slowly but surely it becomes dry on originality and becomes a cliche bombardment around the final act, and although it's not looked upon completely as a bad thing, it's still unworthy for a film with a strong premise, characters and inept action.

27. Big Ass Spider!
Slapstick, campy, cheesy, embarrassing. I mean all that in the best possible way.

28. Mama
Mama has many flaws in all aspects, most when it comes to building suspense and scaring the audience. But if you look past it's old-fashioned routine you might actually be intrigued by Mama's concept and fresh take on classic haunted, ghost sub-genre. However, i would not recommend this to hardcore gore as they would just see this as a boring 90 minutes.

29. Insidious: Chapter 2
Despite an intelligent plot twist and a perfect tie-up with the story, Insidious Chapter 2 brings nothing to the table that we haven't seen before. Scareless, embarrassingly cheesy and incredibly tasteless, Chapter 2 represents everything bad and unnecessary about today's horror sequels. Chapter 3? Oh lord no.

30. Frankenstein's Army
Although it does inject somewhat new life into the withered sub-genre,Frankenstein's Army fails to deliver a smart or successful horror experience; and aside from some extremely impressive and haunting monster design, it has very little new to offer to the genre, and the viewers. 

31. Static
Static acquaints itself with a strong cast, creepy villains and a superb twist ending, but the film just feels too drab and flat to make us feel the intensity of the film, and with an ending like that it all feels a little wasted. It isn't even near the worst of the sub-genre, but it's no You're Next.

32. Nothing Left To Fear
Nothing Left to Fear may be too ambitious for Slash as it's pulled off with major flaws, and aside from a chilling mood and some deeply creepy visuals, it doesn't quite overcome it drab middle act and its extremely muddled plot.

33. Banshee Chapter
The Banshee Chapter is chilling with its delivery of genuine frights, but overall, it proves to be another unwanted, bold and tedious conspiracy horror that is just as good as the next one; Perhaps too ambitious for its own good.

34. I Spit On Your Grave 2
Despite having an edge over its proceeder, I Spit On Your Grave 2 is an unnecessary, dumb and ineffective torture porn flick that should excite fans of the first, and annoy the casual horror fan who tuned in to see something worth watching; instead, we got an uninspired, repetitive clunk of pointless storytelling, making this one of the most unwanted sequels of all time.

35. The Lords of Salem
Despite some visually impressive sequences, The Lords of Salem falls short on scares and fails to entertain, despite how many opportunities it had. I may be harsh when I say this, but what Lords of Salem feels like to me, is a big chunky, uneven mess that involves all of Zombie's strange inventions rolled into one. You'd be better off just giving The Devil's Rejects another viewing.

36. Dark Skies
Maybe I'm being to harsh on Dark Skies, but what I'm trying to say is that if you decide to watch an alien movie, look else were because all you'll find here is basket full of cliché's and a movie that is better when you just watch the trailer. Looking for something new to watch? Evil Dead, The Walking Dead, for god sakes even watch Texas Chainsaw 3D, but if you want an hour and a half to drag, look no further.

37. Scary Movie V
Scary Movie 5 may dish out some immature gags that do become amusing , but it just slacks as a movie in general. Through all the problems with this movie, none of them seem as bad as the fact that this 5th installment feels more like a sequel to Epic Movie and not Scary Movie. Well, at least it's better than A Haunted House..

38. The ABC's of Death
Please, if your looking for a horror stop right there! but if your looking to take the piss out of a film here's the one for you.

39. Fright Night 2: New Blood
Aside from some visually inspired action and a brave and sexy performance from Jamie Murray, Fright Night 2: New Blood is as derived and unnecessary as one could imagine, and doesn't hold a candle to the above average bar that was set by the 2011 remake. Perhaps if New Blood was fun it would have been a different experience, but to put it bluntly, it done nothing for me, so it will do nothing for you.

40. Bait
The Acting is bad, the effects are bad, the action is bad and even the sharks are bad. Despite a few jumpy moments and a pretty good use of 3D, Bait is as cliched as they come; and if you want to watch a shark flick, you would be best giving Jaws another run.

41. 247°F
247°F clearly tries to be something it's not, and actually thinks it's better than what it is. For a film that fails on nearly every level, it has guts, but by no means is this a psychological flick or even a horror, so placing itself into that sub-genre is offensive to its peers.

42. The Last Exorcism Part II
Part 2 is a drab experience that, aside from a few aided jump-scares, simply has nothing more to offer. I wouldn't recommend this to the casual film go-er and definitely not to a fan of the first, as they might just wined up disliking the franchise over this nasty watch.

43. A Haunted House
Part Scary Movie, Part Disaster of a movie, A Haunted House is a jumbled mess that lacks any sense of humor or intellect. 

44. Hell Baby
Interesting characters and the odd laugh isn't enough to save Hell Baby from being an incredibly tedious, lack-luster horror-comedy that plays like A Haunted House Sequel.

45. Fresh Meat
Aside from the quirky twist on a well-worn sub-genre, Fresh Meat just proves to be yet another clunky entry into 2013's worst horror films. It's dull, it's dumb and it's down right laughable; and although that may be the director's intention, i don't think they are quite aware that there is more chance of us laughing at it than laughing with it; and that's what happens when your replace the horror with childish comedy.

46. Comedown
The best way to describe this film is to say it's an annoying by-the-numbers slasher that fails in nearly every way possible in making a decent horror flick. Its a tedious, boring, run of the mill slasher that doesn't deserve  a viewing, as it will only waste a precious hour and a half which you could spend watching on something well worth your time. If you have the chance, Please avoid this trash at all cost.

47. Girls Against Boys
Girls Against Boys fails on the front as a decent revenge thriller, and beneath as an acceptable narrative tale of two woman doing to men what they think they deserve. Not fun, nor original, this nasty little film rids of its potential to deliver what the director Chick thinks is a solid tale of true female revenge.

48. Devil's Pass [The Dyatlov Pass Incident]
Not scary nor original, The Dyatlov Pass Incident displays itself as one of the worst event horror films in recent years due to it's obscure twist and downright horrible final act, and its attempt to follow the footsteps of The Blair Witch Project completely takes away from what it could have been, and comes out looking worse than Chernobyl Diaries.

49. Inbred
Aside from the last 20 Minutes, the entire film is nothing but a drag through horse shit, making it one of the most annoying films of the year. Why? because it has so much potential and opportunities to pick things up and get the ball rolling, but instead it just drags on, delivering the same laughable gore and cheesy B-movie moments. It's a real shame that the film starts getting good, minutes before it ends. 

50. Detention of the Dead
There is nothing more to say other than the fact that you should avoid this as fast you would a zombie in an apocalypse.

51. Dark Feed
What can i say, Dark Feed its a boring, tedious, ineffective piece of trash that barely belongs on the shelves never mind your screen. I would advise you to avoid this at all cost, unless the last remaining horror films are this, Jason X and Episode 50, in which i'd probably still not recommend. Fair enough, if you want a way to waste a good hour and a half, be my guest and watch it, but trust me when i say this, you will be saddened at the thought that an 90 minutes of your life have been wasted.

52. Beneath
Beneath is worse than anyone could have predicted. It's tedious, drab, hateful, and just plain awful. it's attempt at suspense is laughable and character development pathetic, Beneath is exactly the sort of horror you want to avoid, and although you will not realize how bad it is until watching, I can safely that would you easily regret that choice, and wish you would have watched Sharknado instead. Easily the worst movie of 2013 so far.

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