15 Feb 2014

Review - Nurse 3D (2014)

When Porn and Horror Clash...





Director: Doug Aarniokoski   
Writer: Doug Aarniokoski  
Stars: Paz De La Huerta, Katrina Bowden, Corbin Bleu, Boris Kodjoe,   
Running Time: 84 mins, Sub-Genre: Slasher, Black Comedy   
Release: 7th February 2014

By day Abby Russell is a dedicated nurse, someone you wouldn't hesitate to trust your life with. But by night, her real work begins...using her smoldering sexuality she lures cheating men to their brutal deaths and exposes them for who they really are. When a younger nurse starts to suspect Abby's actions and compromises her master plan, Abby must find a way to outsmart her long enough to bring the cheater you'd least expect to justice.

Looking for a good, gory exploitation flick? Look no further, I'm sure Nurse 3D has all the blood-drenched porn material that one might ask for in a film. Perhaps made just to be an audience pleaser (which I suppose is the only reason to make a film), it almost follows the routine of modern horror movies without branching out, giving no reason for anyone other than horny teens to watch this horror. Ok, you won't catch me complaining anymore about the frequent nudity, but what you will see me complaining about, is how unattractive the leading lady Paz de la Huerta is. Sure, she isn't exactly a sight for sore eyes and her body can prove otherwise, but from the neck up, she looks like a cheap transvestite with a kink of latex. On that note of nudity, I wouldn't be surprised if female audiences felt a little disgusted with the mindless sex exploitation that Nurse 3D brings, even I can admit that at times, for example when she randomly just takes off all clothing from the waist down, the film can just feel like a 'doing it for the sake of doing it' type of thing, if you know what I mean?

Soft porn indeed, but Nurse 3D does tap into that rated R flick that used to always be on after hours and that you can appreciate. With that title of course comes vibrant gore and luscious imagery, (possibly unintentional) wit and the obvious bad acting which is apparent when you realize that one of the strongest links of the film is Corbin Bleu, you know that one from High School Musical? Wait, you haven't seen High School Musical? Umm yeah me neither *cough, suspiciously looking around to see if anyone seen me*.

It is every teenagers right to sneak into this sort of horror, I mean it could possibly have EVERYTHING they would possibly desire from a horror film. An attractive cast, lots of blood, lots of gore, lots of sex and lots of boobage, even lost of vagina. As for everyone else though, who have grown out of that erection-a-second phase, Nurse 3D may just bore you. Not entirely of course I mean there is nudity almost every 10 minutes, but as for the lady viewers who have little interest in that sort of thing, you may notice you are just waiting for the next kill just to keep you amused. The story isn't even strong enough to carry the film, therefore Aarniokoski just fills the flick with so much nonsense that it then starts to become a little numbing. Don't get me wrong, the odd kill here and there combined with the raunchy yet quite amusing voice over makes for a relatively fun watch, but aside from that it's just all a little too BLAHH.

Again, the leading lady Paz de la Huerta isn't able to hold her own, and although her voice over works, her acting onscreen simply does not, and you would be more likely to find more emotion in Kristen Stewart than in this chick. I mean look at the pic above, aside from that distracting pair of chebs, can you honestly say La Huerta is attractive? Really? The rest of the cast however (Bowden, Kodjoe) look great, and that's to be expected in a film so fueled with sex drive that it's hard to focus on anything else. That's what Nurse 3D suffers from, a lack of focus, and with that just comes mildly amusing deaths and a whole lot junk pulled from each and every raunchy horror we have ever seen.

VERDICT: Sexy, sassy and gloriously gruesome. It's also stale, unfocused and badly acted. Whether or not Nurse 3D is good or not is something to be argued with, but then again, it isn't exactly what you would call a 'good film'.


2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. You might actually like it, it all just depends on what type of horror you like really

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