25 Aug 2014

Review - 'Septic Man' is More than just a Crappy Job

A sewage worker gets trapped inside a septic tank during a water contamination crisis and undergoes a hideous transformation. To escape, he must team up with a docile Giant and confront the murdering madman known as Lord Auch.

Ok, before I start I am going to have to restrain myself from filling this review full of puns involving shit, crap, poo or vomit; just a heads up because believe me, there isn’t enough faece descriptive words to describe the incredibly shit Septic Man, which lives up to its sewage premise in the worst sense possible. It is literally shit; all jokes aside I am being serious. Imagine if in the Saw Franchise all the violent traps were replaced with poo-filled water encased in a goopy room of disease, germs and dead bodies; that’s Septic Man in a nutshell, minus the fun element that you might feel when thinking of such a movie situation.

Septic Man is a fartin’, squirtin’ disease machine that runs on those factors alone, failing to develop anything else past the basics of their stomach-churning premise that fails to deliver any other substance other that putrid liquids exploding from north and south (if you catch my drift). Basically it’s all one big game of vomit here poop there, and if you think I am ignoring everything else Septic Man has to offer then you are gravelly mistaken, as this is the only thing you will remember when you are lucky enough to stop a friend when he asks “I think I might watch Septic Man”.

For a premise this bizarre and for something delivered in such a rotten manner, you would think a fun element would have been installed in order to ease the fact you are sitting through 80 minutes of rapid bowel explosions. In saying this, the film opens with something I found quite entertaining despite being completely horrifying to watch, but after (a slow) 20 minutes you will soon realise that Septic Man simply has nothing left to offer, not enough for you to see it through to the end.

We follow the character of Jack who attempts to save the town for complete quarantine, and after he descends accidentally into a sewage trap, he begins to decay and rot due to this extremely unsanitary conditions. This may sound like a story that has the potential to grow, but when you realise it reads like a Saw-styled Cast Away or some strange version of The Hole, you know that Septic Man has nowhere else to go, trapping itself just like its forgettable lead character.

This experience is completely sick, and it will likely make you feel as such. Whether or not this was director Jesse Thomas Cook's idea is another question, but if his intention was to have nothing other than faece exploitation and that sort of thing is your bag, then you will have an absolute blast. The rest of us however, you know those who are in search of a little substance will see right through this hollow mess of a "horror" and will have nothing but criticism for such a bad cinematic experience.

The tagline reads "It's a Crappy Job"; the experience reads "It's a Crappy Film". Septic Man is the shit it indulges itself in.


2014 / 83 mins / Thriller / R

Director: Jesse Thomas Cook

Writer: Tony Burgees

Stars: Jason David Brown, Molly Dunsworth, Tim Burd

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