HORROR OF 2013











You're Next is easily one of the most enjoyable home-invasion horror films in recent years. The superb mix of dark humor and gleeful violence makes for a massively fun watch that would cater the needs of any horror buff, whilst pleasing the casual film buff with its frequent winks and nods to those that came before it. The score, direction and screenplay can all be appreciated for it's fantastic horror flare, with the fantastic leading character making for one of the most memorable slashers for a long time. Representing the horror of 2013 with pride. During a Family Anniversary dinner, masked men invade shooting arrows through window in the hopes of taking them all down one-by-one. They soon get into the house, picking off the unlucky ones that come across their path, but one dinner attendee proves to be more than The Animals can handle. The Conjuring and Evil Dead surely put up a fight for the top spot, and has won with many due to The Conjuring's chilling scares and Evil Dead's relentless gore. However, You're Next injected the dead sub-genre with new life, proving that with the right stylistic upcoming director, writer and actors, with a low budget is still able to this day to pull out something spectacular. Halloween, Friday The 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre all did what You're Next did, only this time, it has become apparent from an early stage that You're Next is going to become the next Indie horror Classic. Watch this space, as You're Next will become the next genre-blueprint.



There hasn't really been fierce competition this year around what the scariest film of the year was, and with Insidious Chapter 2 being a massive flop scare-wise, I thought it was only right to still make a list of it, despite how little most film scared me (2013's Carrie was as scary as a killer snowman). The Conjuring was an easy decision here, as it was miles above the rest in the scare department. It was strong, frightening, classic and gloriously haunting. After the immense success with this it was no surprise that Wan wasn't able to pull it out of the bag a second time in one year. If there is ever to be one to watch this year, it would be The Conjuring, as haunted house doesn't get much better than this.







A series of brutal murders puts the lives of three men on a collision course: The father of the latest victim now out for revenge, a vigilante police detective operating outside the boundaries of law, and the main suspect in the killings - a religious studies teacher arrested and released due to a police blunder. One of the most visually fantastic films of the year, Big Bad Wolves is a film that plays just as good as the screenplay, delivering a balls-to-the-wall black comedy that knows how to hit the right marks in delivering something every horror and film buff would lust over. Aharon Keshales & Navot Papushado do a fine job in presenting this dark tale with maximum impact; Foreign horror at its finest. 







2013 hasn't been know for much around the horror aspect of things, but what it is known for, is bringing back some kick-ass villains that we all know and love, one of which went on to dominate the year with his foul mouth and lust for gore. Chucky may not have starred in one of the best horrors of the year, but he was certainly re-done by his taste for horrible violence that was capable of making us both laugh and squirm. Chucky has been around a long time, so we all know what he's capable of, but none of the deaths in the previous 80's gems are as gruesome and twisted as this. Chucky is well and truly back to his old fantastic self.
Bravo to Leatherface by getting back to back to basics with his mannerisms and presence, Victor Crowley for managing to snap more bones that ever before, The Animals for invading a house in-style yet being dumb enough to not realise someone in the house is just as dangerous as them, and Frank for presenting just how creepy one-night stands can be for woman. Thanks guys for making us scared of the simplest things...















Without a doubt, 2013 has hosted a massive amount of talent with the ladies who delivered some serious powerhouse performances, especially in the horror genre. I will take this time to say just how great Chloe Grace Moretz was as Carrie and Jane Levy as the new ash; not to mention the fact that Alexandra Daddario made Texas Chainsaw watchable with her strong performance. However, none have been as simplistically brilliant as Sharni Vinson as Erin in the year's best horror film, You're Next. Her tough performance adds a whole new element to the film, and her fresh take on the surviving female makes you wonder why someone hasn't tackled this approach before. Sharni Vinson is superb in the role, and without her the film wouldn't have been as good as it was. If you came here looking for a shrieking female then look further, as you will not find a more bad-ass leading lady like this in 2013. For god sakes she came 168th in the 500 greatest horror characters of all time in October after just a two month release! Now that's an achievement.



Oldboy, the remake to a foreign cult classic suffered from some serious damage when its lack of originality caused it to lack any redeeming features that the original didn't cover. However, its lead, Josh Brolin delivers yet another powerhouse performance, injecting the stale film with a strong presence. Although he delivered a great performance in the role, it goes without saying that the likes of Luke Evans and Patrick Wilson were able to up their game and prove that not all horror films inspire bad acting from the central male performance.


American Horror Story has been known for delivering an impressive cast over the years, but no season has been able to match the masterclass of Season 3 Coven. Ranging from Jessica Lange to Emma Roberts; a list certainly worth remembering and congratulating. Sure, the likes of Roberts, Peters and Sidibe all keep things taut and fresh, but it's the presence of Jessica Lange, Cathy Bates and Angela Bassett that keeps the show as spunky as ever. The scenes with their involvement are phenomenal to watch, and their screen presence only makes you geek out with joy. It's as simple as saying Coven would not be the way it is without the leading trio and those that follow after them. Truly one of the best TV Show cast line-ups in a long time.











Once again I have come to that point were I have to explain just how good You're Next is, and why it was worthy enough to take the top spot in the selected category. The slasher genre delivered a fair amount of delicious treats this year, mostly following some footprints of a few familiar faces 2013 re-introduced to us with the likes of Curse of Chucky and Texas Chainsaw. However, none of which were able to match the craft and re-invention of Adam Wingard's You're Next, topping the rest with its inventive kills, fresh take on the genre, numerous plot twists and pitch black humor that only outlines the events that take place. Unlike a lot of the films within the genre, You're Next isn't a polished turd (unlike Insidious Chapter 2, I Spit On Your Grave 2, and even Curse of Chucky), in fact it proves to be one of the most inventive horror films of the year, surpassing The Conjuring and even the cunning Haunter. You're Next has a winning recipe of scares, gore and narrative; what more could you possibly want?





The Lords of Salem to me was a messy clunk of random crap that Rob Zombie thought of when he had one of his Gothic wet dreams. It's kind of the same with all of his films Ala Halloween, House of 1000 Corpses. However, there is no denying that The Lords of Salem was ridiculously f**ked up for all the right reasons. Sure, the film was as good as a beating with an iron pole, but I do have to admit that it was close to giving me a few nightmares due to the chilling visuals. Thankfully Zombie stayed clear of CGI, therefore everything you are seeing is authentic in its display. The visuals never really make sense, so the film never does either, but when you see some nasty visuals take place, you kind of feel the film take a tole on you. I have seen enough demon raping to last me a lifetime, but The Lords of Salem just thought they would throw it right at me once again, with the added mix of naked old ladies to spice things up again... Yuck.



Big Bad Wolves, the film that Mr. Tarantino named "Best of the Year" was a film I seen through the attendance of a Film Festival. I didn't expect much and received lots in return, as Big Bad Wolves proved to be one of the most gloriously twisted films of the year. Thrilling and gripping from beginning to end, this Israel thriller packed a strong punch as it dug deep into your nerve system, creating an edgy piece that hits all the marks in delivering a superbly functional tale of revenge and torture, with an added kick of black comedy sprinkled throughout. This may not have been the best horror of the year, but it was certainly the most worthy, and definitely one gem that should not remain hidden. Kudos to We Are What We Are and Stoker for delivering unique piece of filmwork, however they just didn't have the slick flare of Big Bad Wolves. 


This is the End dominated the year triumphing as one of the best comedies of the year; luckily it had elements of horror in it so I was able to makes this number one without having people jump down my throat about it "not being a horror" (don't get me started on The Worlds End, it's got horror elements as well ok?!). Although I didn't like This is the End as much as everyone else, it was still a decent film and a quality comedy. Sharp, crude and full of personality, the film comes together due to its ensemble cast (sorry for it not being top 5 on that list), the cool CGI and the vibrant plot that quite frankly (and weirdly) hasn't really been done as frightening as before. Let's just hope that devil doesn't invade earth with his swinging penis for all of our health.







2013 shockingly proved to deliver a lot of original films, both within the horror genre and out of it. The Cabin in the Woods stomped all the competition last year, ruling out all proving to be the best horror in a long time which still stands today, but I was still impressed with what 2013 brought us even if it didn't match last years talent. Although a fair amount of films took me by surprise with their originality, We Are What We Are stood tallest for delivering one of the most unconventional cannibal movies of all time. Both twisted and logical, shocking and disturbing, We Are What We Are changed the face of the cannibal sub-genre by presenting to us a whole new perspective of the genre, changing the rules to make something that was tedious and uncomfortable, to beautiful and powerful without skimping on the gore. We Are What We Are proves that simplicity can almost rule all, and with a little bit of research you can make something that is as logical as the next film; perhaps one of the smartest horrors of the year. 


Competition struck hard this year as we seen the rise of such standard as Hannibal and American Horror Story: Coven. However, none were as strong as the superb zombie hit The Walking Dead that once again proved to have an impact with characters, action and narrative. Rarely missing it's mark, The Walking Dead (both Season 3 and 4) was able to pull out a few new tricks in how to shock an audience, making its unpredictability its biggest factor. It is driven by its raw emotion through characters and its ability to still make the fumbling walkers pack a scare or two. Sure, it has had its moments but so does every show, only The Walking Dead learns from its mistakes, improving the formula that time after time, manages to scare and shock us over and over; to some extent, to near tears. Welcome to one of the best horror-related shows of all time.


If you have seen Evil Dead you will know exactly why this has been the number one for me, and even though Hatchet III has almost twice as much, Evil Dead hits you harder and makes a bigger, more lasting effect on you. What can I say, it ranges from raining blood to someone sawing their face off with a shard of glass; The Evil Dead remake (or sequel whatever way you look at it) proves strong and effective with its gore, and although at times it is just thrown around from the sake of it, most of the time you can feel it taking a tole on you, slowly but surely churning your stomach. Let's just say that it's NOT for the faint-hearted, and with a final scene that brutal I could hate to see someone with a weak stomach have a go. It's all part of Evil Dead's charm, and without the excessive gore it just would not be the same.






This was a hard one, and it mostly came between Evil Dead, and the prison invasion in Season 4 of The Walking Dead. I had to go with the final scene of Evil Dead, as that was absolutely amazing. After Mia survives the book of the dead's antics, it starts to rain blood, and the Abomination rises to defeat the final survivor Mia once and for all. After a long (and painful) battle between the pair in the thick blood rain, Mia finishes off the Abomination by sawing off its legs and jamming a chainsaw into its head and sawing until it is split in two; all after Mia ripping off her own hand to save herself from it. What makes this final scene so fantastic is the sheer ruthlessness of it all, the edge, the violence, the blood. Jane Levy is able to make the scene intense as the relentless action continues, and after you see a few horrible moments that see's Mia taking a few injuries to escape, you can't help but feel that final chainsaw moment was so god-damn satisfying. Of course, this scene is accompanied by a few funky one-liners, and is ended after the credits by a simple silhouette and a mutter of "Groovy". Yes you're right, that was groovy.






Now, Hatchet III was easily the goriest film of the year (it didn't get no.1 in that list but that's due to the lack of effect the deaths had on me.), so for it to take the top spot here is no surprise. I was unable to choose a death in particular as they were all just so fucking sick and amazing, so for that reason alone I just had to give credit to Victor Crowley for being about to pull that off (pardon the pun). Ranging from a man getting his arms pulled off then being forced to drown in a puddle to someone being completely torn in half, Hatchet III was able to keep the franchise alive by being able to conjure up some more fresh yet hilariously disgusting deaths to add to Crowley's long recipe of '1000 ways to be killed'. Now, I don't know about you, but that is one book I'd buy. I am not a fan of the Trilogy, but this is the exact representation of fun gore.


The Walking Dead is one of the most compelling TV shows in this day and age, and although it faces a few tedious affairs, there is one thing that the show will always be known for, and that's its complete ruthlessness. One of the Series' most shocking moments (following the death of Lori of course) was the sudden and albeit vicious death of one of the shows strongest characters, Hershel. When held against his will with Michonne by The Governor who is looking for the prison in return for the two foes of Rick. After Rick stands up for what's right and what he believes in (which is basically wanting him and The Gov to live in peace together), The Governor simply declines his offer with a casual "Liar" which is followed by him lifting the Katana of Michonne and hacking away at Hershel's neck. After war breaks out, Hershel makes for an escape, but this is soon put to an end when The Governor chops his head off his body, putting a vicious end to his loyal life. Talk about shocking. That should be enough evidence for you, but if you are a fan then you will truly know just how shocking it really was. 








Judging that Beneath hasn't came up in anyone else's list, I am going to assume that next-to-nobody has seen this rotten piece of trash. I'm glad no one has for the safety of their own health, however if you are looking for a way to drag out 90 minutes then Beneath is the film for you. Poorly constructed, Horribly acted and terribly stupid, Beneath not only proved to be one of the dumbest films of the year, but also the most ridiculous on every level and form. There is more human torture in this than the girls in Martyrs. If you are looking for a giant man-eating fish and 70 minutes of people sitting around on a boat then makes sure Beneath is on your watchlist, but who wants to watch something of such a low standard huh? As for the rest list, well they're just as bad as Beneath, believe me.








The Purge shocked audience globally this year, not for being good, but for being shockingly poor. After I watched the trailer for this film I had such high hopes for it (as did many), then when I went to get see it, it blew me away with just how disappointing and unoriginal it was! I couldn't believe what I had watched which made me lose all faith in trailers which made this film look spectacular. The Purge proved to be a cliched and tedious clump of repetitive storytelling that has so much potential that was simply wasted from the get-go. It was a shame really as so much could have been done with this, but nothing was so no point crying over spilled milk. The Purge 2? Well first impressions are everything, and we never got a good one.


Sharknado is most notably known for its 'So Bad it's Good' status, I mean, the film took the world by storm, having "What the hell is Sharknado?" at the end of everyone's lips. Fortunately, the film was exactly that, so bad it was good, however, one aspect was so bad that it was... well erm, bad. That aspect was Tara Reid folks, that blonde from American Pie and (for horror fans) Urban Legend. You know the woman who went into drug overload? Well this girl used to have talent, but by the looks of things in Sharknado, the only thing she is good for now is soaking up money like a sponge. The acting in the film was pretty woeful, but what made Reid my number one was how shocked I was when I realized she was that bad. As for Trey Songz, he shouldn't end his acting career while he's ahead, Elizabeth Blackmore starred as one of the most pointless characters of the year in Evil Dead, Rob Zombie should stop hiering Sheri Moon as she is just terrible, and Katie Aselton couldn't have over-acted anymore in Black Rock. RANT OVER!





2 comments:

  1. I loved This is the End so much, I think it will be in my top 10 of the year. Looking forward to You're Next.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh yeah i loved it, it was hilarious. Yeah do, I hope you like it, I absolutely loved it

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